THIS… is American Idol

I’m watching American Idol and thinking I might as well live blog the show because y’all are probably tired of hearing about the wonderful [Jeep] weather we’ve been having here in the hills of West Virginia. I love watching Idol it and even if the singing is bad, I can always talk about what kind of get-up Steven Tyler is wearing. I’m thinking perhaps Tommy Hilfiger might need to give Stevie T. some advice this week.

Tonight, the contestants will be singing Billy Joel which makes me so happy because there is a chance I might hear The River of Dreams and We Didn’t Start the Fire. And I realize the whole We Didn’t Start the Fire bit is probably a little lame, but it is one of my favorite Billy Joel songs. On top of that P Diddy is mentoring this week. I listened to P Diddy (or was it Puff Daddy?) just this morning while I was at the gym? Diddy, daddy, I’m so confused!

DeAndre Brackensick (Only The Good Die Young) – I think ol boy missed the mark tonight. I was sure he would do a big, catchy ballad. The performance seems a bit karaokish to me. The fact that he’s singing first doesn’t help matters much, either. On the bright side though? I love the big live band playing along with his voice. Makes me wish I could bust my saxophone out.

Erika Van Pelt – (New York State Of Mind) – Okay. First of all. Tommy Hilfiger was so right about her hair. I love it! And secondly, I think she is doing a great job on New York’s state of mind. I loved everything about the performance. In the words of Randy Jackson, “Yo! That was hot!”

Joshua Ledet – (She’s Got A Way) – Joshua was an early favorite of mine. I love his take on this tune and I think he felt the song deep down inside. He totally killed this song. So happy for him! Jennifer, I like you, but I think you’re wrong on this one.

Is it just me or do the judges overuse the words, “You’re one of the best singers in this competition” because they say it after every other performance?

Skylar Laine – (Shameless) – Huh? I assumed that Shameless was a Garth Brooks original. I had no idea until now that Billy Joel ever sang the song. Each time that Skylar sings I get the impression she is mad at somebody. She screams and screeches and I’d rather hear her just simply sing. I’m also kinda surprised that Tommy H. approved of the big honkin’ chandeliers hanging from her ears. Skylar better hope someone drops the ball tonight, or she might be sent home.

Elise Testone – (Vienna) – This is the first Billy Joel song I’m not familiar with, but it was a great match for Elise’s raspy voice. For the first time, I get why Elise is in the competition. I think she did a fine job tonight. Apparently the judges agree because they are on their feet.

Okay, P-Diddy is a trip. I don’t think Phil is feelin’ or heedin’ Diddy’s advice. Good for him.

Phil Phillips – (Movin’ Out) – I don’t think I’ve ever heard this one, either. Phil Philips (who names a kid Phillip Phillips, anyway?) is another of my favorites because he is versatile. He reminds me of Casey Abrams (remember the song he did with the stand-up bass?) from last season. Love, love, love his performance. That right there is why I love this show.

Hollie Cavanagh – (Honestly) – So, apparently I don’t know as many Billy Joel songs as I thought I did because I’ve never heard this one either. Tommy H. did a great job of “styling” Hollie because those pants are the bomb. I can’t put a finger on it, but a few of the notes sound like they are just a tad off. Hollie seems nervous and scared to be on that big stage.

HeeJun Han – (My Life) – First of all, McDaddy has maintained that HeeJun’s “glasses” don’t have lenses in them. I was hoping Tommy Hilfiger would call him out on it so we’d know once and for all. What the heck? He just stopped the piano player. So HeeJun has lost his darn mind right here on the Idol stage. I am hoping he leaves tonight because I don’t think he has even the slightest grasp on what this competition is all about. It aggravates me that Jeremy Rosado is gone and we’re still forced to watch this clown. Yes, I said clown.

Moving on.

Jessica Sanchez – (Everybody Has A Dream) – This is just a prediction. I predict that Jessica Sanchez will be standing on the stage in the finals. That girl can SANG. She is sharing her dream with us. Period.

Colton Dixon – (Piano Man) – That red piano (it is red, isn’t it?) makes me smile. I am of the opinion that the piano is the most beautiful instrument there is and Colton is making that thing sing. I’ve not been a huge fan of Colton’s in past weeks but he sold me tonight. Great job at the piano and great job singing. I suspect Billy Joel is sitting somewhere with a big smile on his face, too. Oh my word, he gave a testimony right on live television. And guess who’ll be voting for Colton tonight? And every other night.

Best of the Night: Colton, Jessica and Phil.

Going Home: HeyJun or whatever his name is.  

What say you?

Facing Off

Our city is bracing for a big, fat storm.

I have two things to say about that.

1. There is no school on Friday OR Monday so I COULDN’T CARE LESS ABOUT THE WEATHER this weekend.

2. Since December, we’ve barely had any snow at all, so I suppose it’s about time for a biggun’.

Meanwhile, I”ll be sleeping late because did you hear me say SCHOOL IS OUT? You don’t know how it thrills me to turn my stupid alarm clock off for the next four days. All I know for sure is that the wind is howling and the rain is falling. It’s shaping up to be everything the weather forecasters say its going to be. Luckily, I’m stocked up on bread and milk because our little town is notorious for cleaning out the milk cooler and the bread aisle at The Foodland at the first sign of a storm.

Crazy people.

Me? As long as I’ve got my TiVo, my iPhone, some sort of caffeinated beverage and something chocolate in the house, I’m good for three or four days. Especially if I don’t have to slide off of this crazy slick hill in the snow and ice.

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McDaddy returned home from New York yesterday after being gone for ten L-O-N-G days. When he left last Monday, we thought he’d be gone for three weeks, and I was dreading it because three weeks is a LONG TIME to be flying solo when you are used to having a co-pilot. He travels frequently, but rarely for more than two or three days at a time. When he’s travelling, he’d rather me not mention the fact that he is gone on the blog because there are lots of crazy people out there who aren’t at all intimidated about the fact that I have a vintage majorette rifle and aren’t afraid to use it, and well, they just might take their chances on robbing the joint.

Let it be heretoforth known however, that I will not hesitate to use that majorette rifle to wallop someone upside the head in a hot second if they come in this place unannounced and uninvited.

Anyway, where was I before I went all Clint Eastwood?

I had made plans earlier in the week for my dad to stay with the boys Wednesday night after church. After putting the boys to bed, I had big plans to HIT. THE. TOWN.

Oh yes ma’am, I did.

Earlier in the week, I received an invite to join some friends for a non-official-get-together to watch the premier of Face Off, a Syfy reality show. Not so much because I am a sci-fi fan (because I am clearly NOT!) but because a classmate (RJ) of ours from high-school landed a spot on this season’s show.  

Folks, for our little town, this is BIG NEWS.

When I got that invite, I was all, where do I sign up?

It didn’t matter to me that McDaddy was out of town, I still wanted to go. I figured there would be other classmates in attendance and I never miss an opportunity to be in the midst of it all. I even bought a fancy new shirt for the occasion. Earlier that day McDaddy called to tell me he was on his way home (a full ten days early), and to my surprise he returned home in time to pick me up and drive me into town. We had a wonderful time watching the premier with old friends, and cheering anytime they showed RJ on camera.

I had never heard of Face Off until RJ put a link on his Facebook, asking his friends and family to go to the site and vote for him. I typically roll my eyes at “please go vote for me or my kid in the photo contest pleas” because I’ve got better things to do than to trapse the internet voting for people or kids or farms or whatever it is people enter contests for on the Facebook. But when the vote involves a reality show and a LIVING BREATHING FRIEND-A-MINE, oh sister, it is on.

Not only did I spend two weeks over the summer voting daily for RJ, but I also asked my FB friends and family to vote for him too! I might have even hacked into McDaddy’s e-mail account a time or twelve to vote from his address, too. Even in high school, RJ was known for outrageous talent and over-the-top costume design. Upon graduation, he packed up and moved to Hollywood where he was trained at a fancy special effects/make-up school, and he worked out there IN THE MOVIE INDUSTRY for several years. Eventually, he returned home to help care for a family member. Today, he teaches film, television and multimedia at our Alma matter, and I am so proud of him. I love that he is teaching children something he is passionate about.

I hope you’ll join me in cheering him on each and every week. The show airs Wednesdays at 10:00 P.M. EST. You can also “like” RJ Haddy on Facebook. (And tell him I sent you!)

Here we are partying like rock-stars at the premier. (Only I’m just a fan of the star!) And please excuse the poor picture quality. The iPhone is no match for a poorly lit restaurant.

The web-site says this about the show:

Face Off is a competition/elimination series exploring the world of special-effects make-up artists and the unlimited imagination that allows them to create amazing works of living art. The contestants are tasked with elaborate feature challenges including executing full body paint make up on models and creating their own horror villain. Not only will the show incorporate effects make-up, it will include a wide range of skill sets including prosthetics, 3-D design, sculpting, eye enhancers, casting and molding. Each episode involves incredible reveals of the competitors’ finished work, and the drama of one contestant being sent home by the panel of expert and celebrity judges. It all culminates in one winner and one grand prize that will launch a career.

I was fascinated by the show and plan to watch each week. I am proud to call RJ my friend and I wish him all the best in whatever direction this show takes him. [Oh, AND RJ, on the off chance that you are EVER in the market for a “model” to make-up, or face off, or whatever, um, I. am. your. girl. That would certainly make for some interesting blog fodder and as I said, I never miss a chance to be in the midst of it all.]

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In the interest of full disclosure, I am not being compensated in ANY way for ANY of the information contained in this post. I am simply a friend cheering for a friend who just so happens to be a contestant on a reality show.

So there.

Dancing Around The Subject

Fall is lurking just around the corner, and that means it’s the start of a new season for all 73 of my favorite TV shows.

Oh little TiVo I do hope you enjoyed your summer break because here in about a week, IT. IS. ON.

Here’s a sampling of what I’ll tune in to watch this season: American Idol, Grey’s Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, The Young And The Restless, The View, Mike and Molly, Two and a Half Men, Criminal Minds, The Talk, and Dancing With The Stars.

For those of you who happen to be content watching reruns of Law & Order, party on! Around here, though? The fall line up is a BIG DEAL, especially after the lame summer line-up I’ve had to endure. I take my daily docket very seriously and I have said many times that the TiVo is the second greatest invention of my time (second only to my beloved iPhone). Me and my TiVo are tight. We spend lots of time together, and I’m thankful for her. (Yes, she is a her because we have enough boys around here already! Plus, she is crazy organized, so there!)

I was delighted when the new cast of Dancing With The Stars was revealed just a few days ago. I was excited to find out that Derek Hough would return this season. Last season just wasn’t the same without him. So yeah! Welcome back, Derek!

The new celebrity (and I use that word loosely) line-up includes David Arquette, Chaz Bono (celebrity? really?), Nancy Grace, NBA player Ron Artest, model Elisabetta Canalis, reality-TV stars Kristin Cavallari and Rob Kardashian, Ricki Lake, actor J.R. Martinez, Chynna Phillips, Hope Solo, and fashion commentator Carson Kressley (I’d rather poke my eyes out with a fork than listen to Kressley ramble on).

Though I have never heard of her before now, my money (if I had any) would be on Hope Solo, which should come as no big surprise because she is paired up with my boyfriend, Maksim Chmerkovskiy.

Can you say hot?

And hard to spell?

And on top of that, Maks’ brother Val will also be joining the cast this season.

DOUBLE YOUR PLEASURE, DOUBLE YOUR FUN. LOOK OUT MCDADDY, YOU BETTER RUN!

Now, for those of you who couldn’t care less about dancing, olympic champions or hotties (GASP!) who really know how to cut-the-proverbial-rug let me just say this….

You are just plain missing out.

Seriously.

I have absolutely no grace whatsoever.

But, if they happened to host a Dancing With The Stay-At-Home-Moms Edition, I’d be all over it.

Especially if they paired me with my boy, Maks.

I would do my very best to make the stay-at-home moms of the world proud. I’d shake, rattle, roll and shimmy my way to the finals where I would work my tail off to dance with Maks as long as possible.

Or break my foot in the first 4.9 seconds.

Either way, I’d be a hit, don’t ya think?

Until my big break comes though, I’ll watch faithfully from my big, blue bloggy couch and daydream about the chance to take the dancing world by storm.

Maks, if by some weird twist of fate you’ve happened across my little blog, how ’bout you talk to the producers and see what you can do about changing the format for Season 14? And if by some miracle you can make that happen, I have three words for you.

I. AM. YOURGIRL.

Hope, if by chance you’ve stumbled across my blog, I am making a pre-season prediction that you and Maks will be the Season 13 Champions. You’ve got the sexiest, most talented DWTS partner and for that reason, you are sure to be a crowd favorite.

You get my votes.

All of em.

Without even campaigning.

Make me proud, girl!

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My TiVo works for me.

American Idol – Top 8

Before we get started, I’ve got to get something off of my chest.

In my humble opinion, the judges should be ashamed of themselves for the way they carried on last week over Pia. If, (and this is a big if), IF they truly believed that Pia was “the best in the competition” the jokers should have stuck that “SAVE” in their back pockets and held on to it, until they needed to save her. Based on their reaction to her leaving, you would have thought they had no idea somebody had to go home. I was embarrassed for Stefano and I just wanted to hug him and tell him everything would be alright. I had never seen anything so bizarre in American Idol history. Shame on the judges for acting that way.

I am not one to say “I told you so” but if you recall, I called it, right here, last week:

Pia Toscano –  “River Deep Mountain High” – The first thing I think of when Pia steps onstage is how beautiful she is. She is one beautiful girl and the fact that she can sing, and I mean REALLY sing, is an added bonus. She always does a great job and I’d bet she could stand up there and sing the phonebook and it would be impressive. HOWEVER, (and this is a biggie!) she is also very predictable. And predictable is bad when you have fellas like Scotty and Casey singing some really memorable, unpredictable stuff.

Ahem!

The only thing unpredictable about her last week was that she went home. Don’t get me wrong, I liked Pia and I thought she was super talented and more beautiful than 98% of the population, and I think it was Haley’s night to go, but did I vote? Nope. So shame on me.

Moving along….

This week’s theme is “songs of the cinema”.

Also, I love the advice from Jimmy and Will I Am. (I love the whole Will I Am thing, by the way.) I think it adds a new perspective to the show and I enjoy hearing about the selection process.

Paul McDonald – “Old Time Rock and Roll” – I fully expected  Pimp DaddyPaul to slide across the stage wearing some sequin drawers. I think it would have been historic and fun. He chose a less dramatic way to enter though and the black and red number amuses me for some reason. Love his wardrobe choices. I love Paul’s voice and I think he is rockin’ it out tonight. Ol’ girl is tearing up the alto sax as well. Have I ever mentioned that I played alto sax for eight years? When I was in fifth grade (1985) and it came time to pick an musical instrument to play in the school band, most of the girls picked the flute or the clarinet. I automatically ruled those two instruments out. One or two picked the trumpet. I was the only girl who chose the saxophone and did so because it was the prettiest instrument. Funny thing is, I still think that. Four years later, I stood beside of a boy in marching band who also played the saxophone and over the course of three years I fell deeply in love with him. Yes, internets, I am talking about my sweet McDaddy. But back to Paul. Very nice job. As always, I liked it.

Lauren Alaina – “The Climb” – If there’s one thing a contestant wants to hear before singing a number on a national singing contest, it’s that she is a better singer than the original artist of the song she is singing. With that being said, those are huge shoes to fill. And speaking of shoes, I don’t have a lot to say about this performance except that I think she should have ditched the cowboy boots.

Stefano Langone – “End Of The Road” – Bless Stefano’s heart. I can’t imagine the battle that he’s fought in his head this past week. I hope he knocks it out of the park tonight just to prove to himself and everyone else that he deserves to be there. I am a huge fan of Boyz II Men and I love “End Of The Road”. I loved the entire performance, but in the latter part of the song when Stella got his groove back and sang his heart out, he grabbed me. I love his big notes. I’ve been a Stefano fan from day one and I’m tickled that he did his THANG.

I love it that the judges are falling all over him with praise.

Scotty McCreery – “I Cross My Heart” – (Hey McDaddy, this reminds me of our wedding day!) I love this song and it makes sense that Scotty would sing it. I am a huge Scotty fan and I think he is a major cutie-patootie. I think Scotty has grown so much since that first week we saw him. Love, love, love this performance and I love the way he sings out of the side of his mouth.

Casey Abrams – “Nature Boy” –  Good for you, Casey, that you stand up for yourself and sing what you want to sing. Especially when you sing it like that. He is so unique and wonderful and I’m happy the judges used the save on him all those weeks ago. He brings a whole different something to the show and I look forward to watching what he brings each week.

Haley Rinehart  – “Call Me” – If you asked me, and I know most of y’all didn’t, I think it should have been Haley who went home last week. If she doesn’t bring it tonight, it might be her week to go. I love the stained glass dress and I guess the suede boots are mandatory for a song like this, but I’m not feelin’ it.

Jacob Lusk – “Bridge Over Troubled Waters” – I could launch into a big windy tale right here about this song reminding me of high school show choir, but I’ll save y’all the pain and stick to the program. First of all, when Jimmy mentioned this song, I was all, “Yes, yes, yes” do it, Jacob. This song is perfect for Jacob and I think he’ll be thanking Jimmy tomorrow. Very, very nice. Dare I say, best performance of the night?

So, the contestants are really bucking the system tonight.

James Durbin – “Heavy Metal” – Y’all know I’m not a fan AT ALL of the metal. I did attend a Metallica concert one time though because I was the 102nd caller in a radio contest. I don’t remember much about it and I’m pretty sure my ears suffered some serious damage. I think James is doing his thang though even though it doesn’t happen to be my thing. So kudos to him for rockin’ it out and singing his hind-end off.

Best Performance of the Night: Jacob

Going Home: Haley or Lauren (sorry girls)

What say you?

American Idol – Top 11 Again

I am sitting on my big, blue bloggy couch live-blogging American Idol. My feet and legs are tired because I spent six hours today unloading, sorting, distributing, deciphering and loading cookie dough for a school fundraiser. Then, I hurried home, changed clothes, rushed out the door and went to church with my fellas. I am tired as all get out and thankful to finally sit down and relax. I’ve got about two cents and some change left in me and I plan to use every bit of that as I navigate through this week’s Elton John Extravaganza.

Did you hear me? I said Elton John.

SQUEAL.

In an emotional move last week, the judges used their one solitary save to keep Casey in the competition. I’m not sure how I feel about that decision. I like Casey and I feel like he is very talented. I just wish we would see more of the Casey-that-played-the- bass during Hollywood week. That Casey is unique and memorable.

Did I mention tonight is Elton John night? It should be an eclectic, entertaining night of music. I would never think to compare Lady GagGag to Elton John, but man, he did wear some crazy get-ups back in the day.

In the words of Simon Cowell, (I miss you, Simon!) off we go!

Scotty McCreery– “Country Comfort”  – I was not a bit surprised to find out Scotty was singing this song. I was surprised, however, to discover that Elton John sang anything with the word, “country” in it. Scotty did an awesome job and I think he could leave the show right now and be the male equivalent of Taylor Swift. There’s not a whole lot that Scotty needs to do because he knows what works and he follows his script. He sings like a songbird and I’d love to hear him say, Babylockthedoorsandturnthelightsdownlow just one more time.

Naima Adedapo – “I’m Still Standing” – Naima is one funky gal. I found myself bopping up and down to the beat of this song, but I’d be surprised if she still finds herself standing come tomorrow night. Rather, I think she’ll be on the left side of the stage, on a stool awaiting her fate. The jury is still out on her voice, but I must give her props for the unique performances she delivers week after week.

Paul McDonald – “Rocket Man” – So first of all, I love his wardrobe choice. That suit is the bomb diggety. The song, however, is not the bomb diggety. In my opinion, Paul would be really good at sittin on a bar-stool, on a stage, in a dim lounge at the Excalibur in Vegas. American Idol? Um, I’m just not so sure. With two people being evicted from the island this week, I’m thinking Paul might be in danger.

Pia Toscano –  “Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me” – Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me is one of my favorite Elton John tunes of all time. I’m sure Pia and her pipes will do a great job on the song because hello? It is a ballad and ballads are her thing, especially with a full blown gospel choir backing her up. There’s just something about a gospel choir. Just as I suspected, she slayed it. She seems comfortable and in her element on that stage but I’m waiting for the time when she’ll break out and do something different. I just want to know one thing. Where in the heck was I when the good looks, singing talent, great bodies, and sexy legs were handed out? Really. Where was I?

Stafano Langone – “Tiny Dancer” – I was so sad to find out that Stefano was in the bottom two last week. If he would sing every song the way he sang, “If You Don’t Know Me By Now” things would be a lot simpler for him. I think he’s doing a good job on this song, but I thought the same thing last week and look where that got him. Nice job, Stafano, but dawg, you shoulda sang “I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Blues” and kicked it up a notch.

Lauren Alana  – “Candle In The Wind” – This is another one of my favorite Elton John songs. This is a lofty ambition for Lauren and it will be a toss-up as to whether or not she can pull it off. I’m not a big fan of the arrangement, but she seems to have good control of the song. I think Alana did her thing this week which is good if she expects to compete with the likes of Pia and Casey.

James Durbin – “Saturday Night’s All Right” – James reminds me of Adam Lambert. And now there is a piano on fire which is such a waste because oh my gosh I love a grand piano. Especially a red one. In true James fashion he is entertaining the crowd. He brought his game to the field this week and I really enjoyed the performance even though I am not a big fan of hard rock. Very nice.

Thia Megia – “Daniel” – Before I get started, I have to ask if that is the same red piano that was engulfed in flames just minutes ago? Because if it is, I totally want to know how they did that. Not a lot to say about this performance because it is boring. Thia’s been on borrowed time for weeks and I think this might be it for her. I’m thinking Daniel just put the final nail in Thia’s coffin.

Casey Abrams – “Your Song” – I think Casey did a good job on this song and I was sure they just cut his hair, which is weird to me because it doesn’t look much different than it did before they cut it. He showed the world that he belongs in the competition and with that performance, I’ll bet he won’t be in the bottom two this week.

Jacob Lusk – “Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word” – About halfway through the song, McDaddy pointed out that Jacob was crying. How in the heck can ole’ boy sing like that with crocodile tears rolling down his face? I like Jacob and I think he did it tonight. Most memorable performance of the night, in my humble opinion.

Haley Rinehart – “Bennie and the Jets” – I love the piano arrangement and I love that she is propped up on the piano, but OHMYWORD, how does one get down from there on live television? Haley is having a big-eyed time with this song and finally, FINALLY she came out of her shell. She’s rockin’, I’m tapping my toe, and I’m saying I spoke to soon. She trumped Jacob. I. Like. It. Very nice.

I can’t believe the show is over and we didn’t hear one person sing, Can You Feel The Love Tonight? I was sure, SURE I TELL YOU, that someone would sing it. But now that I think about it, maybe they’re saving that one for tomorrow night.

Best of the night: Haley

Worst of the night: Thia

Going Home: Thia and Paul McDonald

Letters To Crazy People

Disaster struck here at the McResidence on Saturday morning. The backlight went out on my new Dell laptop. To be clear, the laptop isn’t actually new, but its the newest computer in the house and barely more than a year old. McDaddy spent a good part of the weekend researching the source of the problem and it sounds like the laptop is going to need a new screen. His research revealed that this is a common problem among my model of Dell laptops. I will be calling the fine folks at Dell tomorrow to inquire about my rights. In the meantime I am using his Dell (which used to be my Dell) to type this post.

Since I’m already aggravated, I thought I might as well add insult to injury and write some letters to crazy people. Interestingly enough, several visitors each day are referred over here from Google searching for precisely that. So, may I present to you the widely famous (or something like that), letters to crazy people.

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Dear Richard Tang Yat Sun,

While I appreciate your offer to “share a ratio of US 24.5M” once I provide you with enough personal information to do some serious damage, I must respectfully decline your offer to ‘commence arrangements”.

“Yours with the kindest of regards”,

One of the thousand unsuspecting souls you e-mailed last Tuesday

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Dear Steve Jobs,

Having the capability to create e-mail folders in your next update would be fabulous. Could you work that out for me, please?

With sincere appreciation for your iAwesomeness,

An iJunkie

——

Dear People Who Sell Stuff,

If your product must come with a sticker, the sticker should be placed somewhere that will not affect the general use of the product. Recently, I spent twenty-five minutes removing a sticker from a mirror that I was not able to use until I did that. My time is more valuable than that.

Really, it is.

An aggravated consumer

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Dear McDaddy,

I love you. I really, really love you. But for the love of all that is sweet and gentle and kind, will you PLEASE remember to turn off your alarm clock the next time you leave town. Being awakened at 5:40 AM is not my idea of fun, especially since I am required at that ridiculous hour to figure out how to turn the alarm off.

Dazed and Confused,

Your Wife

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Dear Dr. Pepper People,

For some reason you have decided that the caps on the 24 ounce bottles of Dr. Pepper need to be sealed like Fort Knox. It is hard to get my fix when I can’t even open your silly bottles. Can you have someone check on that for me?

With appreciation,

My Left Hand

—–

Dear Parents,

When participating in a fundraiser, please make every effort to send in your order form neatly and legibly prepared so that the people processing your order won’t have to decipher your crazy. Oh, AND, a deadline is just that. A deadline.

Kindly,

A tired and weary fund-raising chairman

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Dear Steven Tyler,

I love your music and I love your squeal. I also get that you are a super cool rocker with tens of thousands of fans, because  I am one of them. However. Your language on American Idol is a little over the top especially when you consider that many of the contestants on the show are minors. You’re livin’ on the edge. And you’re Crazy.

Thanks for your thoughtful consideration,

A concerned mom blogger from Charleston, WV

—–

Dear Stevie and Alex,

The toothpaste is supposed to go in your mouth. Not on the counter. Or the door. Or the back of the toilet.

Perplexed,

Your mama

—–

Dear General Motors,

On the off-chance that you find a Saturn Sky sitting on one of your lots, I’d still love to have one!

The Sky’s The Limit,

Julie

—–

Have a great week, crazy people!

What I Learned This Week

Well hello, Tuesday. Where did you come from? Seems like I wrote the last installment of What I Learned This Week a day or two ago. Time is a passin’ me by. When I was a kid the school year seemed like a million months long. Now that my own kiddos are in school, um, not so much. Why is that?

I am more than super excited to watch the first episode of “Dancing With The Stars” tonight. I’d like to give my boy Maksim Chmerkovskiy a shout out and let him know he has at least one crazy girl in West Virginia who is crazy about him and his swagger. That’s what I call it you know. That thing he does with his hips. His swagger. It makes me smile and I could watch him dance for hours.

I love to share what I learned each week because that’s just the type of girl I am. Hopefully something I say will help one or two or ten of you.

1. Regardless of their claim to “give you a brilliant clean without re-washing thanks to its unique All in 1 technology”, Finish Powerball Dishwashing tablets cannot hold up to its end of the bargain if it does not dissolve properly. In fact, it will leave a big, fat mess in your dishwasher.

2. Ritz Dairyland Cheddar Crackers are better than the Ritz Sweet Home Sour Cream and Onion ones.

3. If your dog is “in season, or incontinent due to behavior, age, or medication” the doggie diaper just might be the answer to your troubles. You can opt for a washable fabric or disposable one.

Google it. Go on, I’ll wait.

4.  Mizzen is an official word on the Words With Friends. A mizzen is a mast of a ship.

5. The exterior shots of Seattle Grace hospital (Grey’s Anatomy) is actually Fisher Plaza which houses Seattle’s affiliate KOMO-TV.

6. Sadly, Derek Hough is taking Season 12 of DWTS off to star in a movie (Cobu 3D). I will miss him and his moves.

7. When you search for a bed on Google, every website that you visit for the next week will show an advertisement for that same bed.

8. If your sweet boy is being baptized, you might as well save your make-up.

9. If your sweet boy is being baptized, you should pack lots of tissues.

10. While you might feel as though you are drowning yourself, (and gagging too!) the neti pot will help clear your nose out.

11. It is tough to take a picture of yourself while using the neti pot.

12. Even if you manage to get a picture of yourself using a neti pot, you will laugh hysterically just before deciding NOT to post it on Facebook.

See there McDaddy, I do have restraint!

13. If the neti pot salt water concoction only flows freely through one side of your nose, you’ll have yourself convinced that something is seriously wrong. That opinion will not be changed by Googling “half of nose clogged during neti pot treatment”.

Sheesh.

What did YOU learn this week?

You can read the long detailed version of rules here, or follow these easy steps.

1. Any time this week, publish your What I Learned This Week post on your blog. and spread the news to your bloggy friends so more people will join in on the fun.

2. Within that post, please mention the What I Learned This Week carnival and link to this post here at From Inmates To Playdates.

3. Then link up with Mr. Linky down below.

4. Visit the other participants and see what they learned this week. Then leave a comment because comments are fun!

50 Random Things That Make Me Happy

1. A good song on the radio (Lose My Soul, Manifesto, I Was Made To Love You)
2. American Idol
3. McDaddy’s picture on my iPhone when he calls.
4. Written notes in the mail.
5. Cranberry Chutney candle from Yankee
6. Words With Friends
7. Home
8. Pedicure
9. Our church
10. Dirty Dancing (The movie, obviously)
11. Good hair days
12. My beloved iPhone
13. Comfortable shoes
14. Spring
15. Pink
16. Heated van seats
17. Fancy bathrooms
18. Empty laundry baskets
19. A new purse
20. Relaxing massage
21. Entertaining
22. My new rocking chair
23. A talented pianist
24. Flip flops
25. 2:20 PM
26. Spell Check
27. The Saturn Sky
28. Neat handwriting
29. Gerber Daisies
30. My people together
31. Creamy blue cheese dressing
32. Unexepected visitors
33. Facebook
34. Parades
35. Organization
36. Lists and marking things off of lists
37. Kelloggs Chocolate poptarts
38. Sunset
39. Olympics
40. My pink laptop
41. Decorated Christmas trees
42. A fresh calendar
43. Arbonne Moisturizer
44. Being out with the girls
45. My new blog design
46. Diamonds
47. Shopping at new malls
48. The Roomba
49. Alex’s love for shoes
50. Holding hands with my fellas

What makes YOU happy?

Captured By The Police

Now that I grabbed y’all’s attention with that post title, I suppose I should come up with something to talk about. I say that like I don’t have anything to talk about, but really, I have so many things to talk about, I can’t decide what to talk about. All I know is that there are at least eight of you who show up here looking for their daily dose of crazy and I need to come up with something.

My day was full of non-stop excitement with the exception of the 90 minutes that Alex and I snuggled up on the couch and fell asleep. For the past three days he’s been pretending that he is a tiny, furry bunny. When he got out of bed this morning, he was grumpy and acting more like a bear. Frustrated with his constant whining I asked him where the sweet tiny, furry bunny from yesterday was hiding because he was much nicer than the grumpy bear. He replied simply, “He was captured”. Before I could respond, he continued, “He was captured by the police because he hit me in the eye with my cowboy boot”. It took everything in me to keep from busting out in laughter, so instead I picked up the phone to text McDaddy about the sad fate of the tiny bunny rabbit. From that minute on, the tiny, furry bunny was back and the grumpy bear went on his merry way.

I’ll take it how I can get it, folks.

In other news:

-It’s that time of year again when my beloved Young and Restless family is forced off of the air so that 619 basketball teams can duke it out and whittle themselves down to a single champion. The West Virginia Mountaineers played today (AND WON), but I did not watch it, you know, due the non-stop excitement of my day.

-The non-stop excitement of my day included spending half the day at Stevie’s school popping popcorn. The PTA purchased a popcorn machine and we pop corn every Thursdays and sale it for snack-time on Friday. In just four short weeks, the machine has paid for itself. There are at least six moms working in the copy room at the school on Thursdays, which means we have the opportunity to cover a variety of topics including dieting, recipes, neti pots, American Idol, shoes, the weather, and world peace. 

-I was nosing around on the iPhone iTunes site last night and discovered hundreds of ringtones for sale. I didn’t purchase any but I had fun listening to snippets of the most popular songs out these days. I normally listen to KLOVE so I’m out of the musical loop as far as other genres. Right now, I am loving The Manifesto and I wish KLOVE would play it more frequently.

-I was talking to McDaddy on the phone this evening and he asked me who got kicked off of Idol. Can you believe that I forgot it was elimination night? I scrolled through my DVR like a crazy person and had trouble reconciling the fact that I was so off of my DVR daily docket game.

-In case you’re wondering, I am still having some sinus-ey type issues. I was talking to another parent today and she suggested I try a neti pot. I’ve watched my brother-in-law use a neti-pot contraption and to be perfectly honest, I’m just not sure I have sense enough to use the silly thing. I can’t help but consider the fact that something could go drastically wrong and I could accidentally end up drowning myself. I am almost at the end of my rope so if I feel frisky later, I just might go out and get one because I feel like death is imminent if I don’t do something about the amount of snot still pouring from somewhere deep within the recesses of my brain. I might also throw a Sudafed into the mix because that little red round pill buys me about two hours of relief. At this point, I’d be willing to saw my nose right off of my face if it meant relief from the constant blowing and wiping. Y’all know that I have been known to take medical matters into my own hands. I did it with the ear candling, and again with the milia. I’ve had more than my share of miscellaneous medical drama over the years. I’m hoping for some relief soon so I can move this chronic snot issue from the problem column over to the cured columned. And for those of you rolling your eyes wondering if in fact I really do keep a running list of columns for my medical woes, the answer is sadly, yes.

– No doubt thanks to the chronic snot stuff, I have a fever blister and a blister just inside of my nose. If there is anything I HATE, (and I don’t use that word often), but I HATE a stupid fever blister. I know, I know. Sometimes I offer up way TMI.

I say it all the time people. This blog is a lot like a bag of chex mix. Sometimes you get the nut, sometimes the M&M, sometimes the raisin and sometimes you get the nasty dark brown chex square. Today is a nasty brown chex square day.

– Tomorrow I start the tedious task of shopping for a big-boy bed for Alex. Ideally, I’d like to find a nice, inexpensive bedroom set. Preferably one that can be ordered and delivered without ANY manner of NONSENSE, AGGRAVATION, or TROUBLE.

Remember my chair drama?

-I spent the better part of an hour cleaning tennis shoes this morning. We had four pairs of tennis shoes completely covered in mud courtesy of the ballfield. We’ve had a couple of 70 degree days, so I’m hoping the mud has dries up before our practice tomorrow. In case you’re wondering, an old toothbrush works great for tennis shoe restoration.

-I made a call to the Finish Dishwashing peeps because three of their powerball tablets decided to lay down and die in my dishwasher yesterday. When each cycle finished I opened the dishwasher to discover another nasty mess because the powerball FINISH tablets did not dissolve. Instead, I was left with a nasty mess in the dish-washing dispenser and smeared down the inside of the door. THREE TIMES I cleaned the Finish crap up, which is funny to me because the the product is called FINISH. The gal on the phone suggested that perhaps the water in my dishwasher wasn’t hot enough, but the too-hot-to-handle-just-then plates told another story. The Finish girl took my address so the company could send some coupons, but I’d rather them pony up some coin to help pay for the three dishwasher loads I ran and refund my money. I’m telling you people, the older I get, the less patience I have for nonsense, so I rarely hesitate to call about a faulty or defective product.

And speaking of faulty and defective, this defective nose and I are headed for bed.

Hope I satisfied your crazy quota for the day.

American Idol Recap – Top 12

THIS is American Idol.

It’s birth week, which means we are in for an eclectic mix of tunes. If I were singing on the show tonight, I’d be singing “Killing Me Softly” by Roberta Flack or “Superstition” by Stevie Wonder from my birth year – 1973. I’m embarrassed to admit that most of these “kids” could be my kids.

Anyway, off we go.

Naima Adedapo– “What’s Love Got To Do With It?” – I can rarely make sense out of Naima’s wardrobe choice. It’s as if she steps into the wardrobe closet and grabs a hand full of mess. And then she tops it off with a flower for her hair which is unfortunate because she is a beautiful girl. I like her voice and I think she is an awesome performer as far as stage presence, but I’m not sure the performance will be memorable after the commercials.

I love the behind-the-scenes interviews

Paul McDonald – “I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Blues ” – First of all, Paul’s “moves” remind me of an elephant swinging his trunk. His voice reminds me of Rod Stewart and I like it. Sounds like he might have something going on in his throat which I can totally relate to because I’ve been battling a chronic snot problem for weeks, so that stinks for him. I like this performance and I feel confident that he’ll be back next week.

What is Steven Tyler talking about? Let’s just all pretend we get it and move on.

Thia Megia – “Colors Of The Wind” – The first thing that strikes me about this performance are the violinists swaying back and forth as they play. I think that might be a requirement for playing a stringed instrument because anyone I’ve ever watched playing one does that. But enough about the orchestra, right? Thia looks beautiful tonight, and she is doing a good job on the song, but it is all a bit boring for me. Not sure how many choices they are given as far as song choices from their year, but oh my mercy, there are so many great songs from that year. She could have totally rocked that joint. Instead, we’re left with a mediocre performance by a beautiful girl.

James Durbin – “I’ll Be There For You” – Is it just me or was that first line really rough? Oh shoot, I think it’s all a bit rough. I might be wrong but it sounds very pitchy to me. I didn’t get the whole performance

Steven Tyler just mentioned a “rich vein of inner crazy.” Ya think he reads my blog?

Haley Reinhart – “I’m Your Baby Tonight” – Haley is cute as Christmas but OHMYGOSH her lips are so, red. I never get the whole bright red lipstick thing. This performance sounds a bit screechy to me and in fact I don’t know that I’ll remember it when the next performer comes out.

And now, Ryan is wiping the red lipstick from her face. See. Bright friggin’ red lipstick = distracting, especially when it’s all over your face.

Stefano Langone – “If You Don’t Know My By Now” – I LOVE THIS SONG. I remember recording it from the radio onto one of my many compilation tapes. He is bringing it. And he’s also bringing a great big smile to my face. He blew it out the water. Whatever that means. What I mean is I LOVE IT! BEST BY A MILE SO FAR! So much so that I won’t mention the fact that he needs to ditch those white kicks.

The judges agree with me. Yikes, I’d hate to be the one that has to follow him.

Pia Toscano – “Where Do Broken Hearts Go? ” – Not too thrilled with the arrangement of the song but I think Pia is absolutely beautiful and she is singing her heart out. Very nice performance.

Scotty McCreery – “Can I Trust You With My Heart?” – Hard to believe Scotty was born the year after I graduated from high school. He’s still a baby, yet he sings with such maturity. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. That cutie patootie did his thing tonight. And all the teenage girls say, AMEN.

Karen Rodriguez – “Love Will Lead You Back” – Loved Taylor Dayne back in the day. What in the world is up with her hair? [Warning: Here comes a rant.] You know, when I’m at a nail appointment and the little Vietnamese people start talking in their native language, it aggravates me. It aggravates me because this is America and when I’m paying for a service, I feel like I have a right to know what the technician is saying. Same thing with American Idol. Karen should be singing in English. Her performance was nothing special. That is all. Wake me up, when it’s over.

Casey Abrams – “Smells Like Teen Spirit” – So Casey has an interesting quality about him. He is different and creative and memorable. I was not a fan of the Teen Spirit back in the day, nor am I fan today. However. He is doing something different and he will appeal to the rocker crowd because he has a screech in his voice. He is playing a guitar and rocking the stage. His performance will be remembered. With that being said, I wish he’d play the bass again, because I loved that performance.

Lauren Alaina – “I’m The Only One” – it really stinks that Lauren has the flu because I like her a lot. Funny thing though, she sounds really good.

Jacob Lusk – “Alone ” – I have been a fan of Jacob’s, but this scream? Um, not so much. In fact, parts of his performance were painful. He was singing like he had a score to settle. He just might have settled his own score.

Randy, I don’t get it. Dawg, I didn’t see what you saw.

Stefano knocked his ball out of the park. (So much so that I ran my DVR back twice five times to hear his performance again.)

Scotty and Pia scored runs.

The others: Lost balls in a field of weeds.

Thoughts?