Urine For A Treat

In case you’ve been waiting with sweet anticipation, I thought I should let you know that I was able to deliver the big orange bottle of urine to the lab without incident.

There are just some sentences you never thought you’d write on your blog.

And here’s where I must admit that I contemplated taking a picture of the big orange bottle in my fridge to share here on the blog.

And all I could think about was, “REALLY, JULIE?” and thought better of it.

You’re welcome!

When I arrived at the lab, I was hopeful that it wouldn’t be full of people. I just knew everyone in that joint would be gawking at me and it wouldn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that, OH LOOK, THAT CHICK IS CARRYING A PEE JUG UP IN HERE.

I’ve heard the older you get, the less you care what people think. I guess you need to be older than 39 for that to happen.

Much to my relief, there wasn’t one single soul in the waiting room.

Sweet hallelujah.

I sat down and waited for my name to be called. Once I made it back to registration, I breathed a sigh of relief. I was able to get in and out without being seen with the pee jug.

And now?

I wait.

I wait for some poor sap to analyze that mess.

I hate to wait.

And then I wait for my appointment next Friday when the Doctor will hopefully deliver some good news.

And then I WAIT to see if I ever get another dang kidney stone.

Have I mentioned that I absolutely HATE to wait?

I was not wired to wait.

Seriously, I suck at it.

It just dawned on me that using “suck” on the blog isn’t very ladylike.

My momma always said, “I’m trying to raise a lady, not a street urchin!” So, just to be clear, she would want me to tell you that I’ve been raised better.

And I have.

And now that I’m a mother myself, I get it.

I really get it.

There is rarely a day that goes by that I don’t find myself shaking my head in disbelief. Some days, I sound exactly like my mother.

  • You know better.
  • Did you just roll your eyes at me?
  • Are you crazy?
  • If you slam that door one more time…
  • Look at me when I’m talking to you.
  • What were you thinkin’?
  • You better watch that mouth.
  • This hurts me worse than it hurts you.
  • Because I said so. (Oh sweet mercy, I hated this one!)
  • PICK UP YOUR JUNK!
  • You will understand this one day.
  • As long as you’re under my roof, you will listen to me.
  • Quit running in and out!
  • Do you hear me?
  • Someday, I hope you have a kid just like you. (HEY MOM! I GOT HIM ALRIGHT!)
  • I will not tell you again. (Except I probably will)
  • I want this room cleaned up! (One time my mom told me to do this, I crammed everything that was in my floor into my drawers and into my closet. When I returned home from a friend’s house later that day, I walked into my room to discover that she had dumped every. single. thing. from my dresser drawers in the middle of my floor. You best believe I never did that again!)

And last week, as I was cleaning Stevie and Alex’s rooms, I had to chuckle because I realized this thing had come full circle.

I am a mother. Who is like her mother. I now understand why she hounded me about cleaning my darn room.

And don’t think dumping the drawers on the floor never crossed my mind, because oh yes ma’am, it certainly did!

But instead, I cleaned and I organized.

And I will wait.

Because I know it won’t be long until their rooms are a hot mess. Again.

And I will no doubt say, “PICK UP YOUR JUNK!” followed by, “I want this room cleaned up!” And then I will ask, “Do you hear me?”

And when my little darlings attempt to ask, “WHY?”

I will respond with “Because I said so!”

It’ll happen.

Just you wait.

My New Pal

I cleaned like a crazy person today. Actually, I cleaned and danced like a crazy person today. I had some clutter to put away, three week’s worth of mail to sort through, and some decor to change out. I linked up my iPhone with the bluetooth wireless speaker that McDaddy got for Christmas, blasted some Third Day, Toby Mac, and Selah and I went to town swarping papers, cleaning countertops, putting dishes away and sweeping the floors. I danced and cleaned for 45 minutes. My heart was banging and I had sweat. So, that’s good, right?

It felt good knowing that I was cleaning my house while also getting in some exercise.

A few days ago, I asked for your help with finding a good calorie tracking APP. Several of you suggested My Fitness Pal, which I downloaded today.

Y’all.

I was thrilled that it was so easy to use.

When I ate two pieces of Pepperidge Farm toast for lunch, I was able to scan the bar code on the bread-bag and the APP spit out the nutrition information.

Boom, just like that.

And after I cleaned and danced like a crazy person, I input that information into the cardio tab on the APP and was surprised that the APP adjusted and allowed for more caloric intake.

Later in the evening I did 15 minutes of Wii Fit. The advanced step and free run was listed alongside of their calories burned info. It was quick and easy to put the info in.

There was just one slight problem.

My new Fitness Pal wasn’t so friendly on our first day as pals.

It appears that I shot my caloric wad by more than 400.

Looks like I shoulda’ cleaned and danced like a crazy person for about seventy more minutes.

Or skipped breakfast.

Phew.

I was even more depressed when I put McDonald’s big breakfast with hotcake into the APP just to see how many calories it would cost me if I decided to go that route the next time I meet the girls at McDonalds for breakfast. As it turns out, they don’t call it BIG BREAKFAST with hotcakes for nothing. That little bit of greasy Heaven will cost you 1100 calories. Or in my case, just a little less if you forgo the greasy hashbrown.

Eleven friggin’ hundred.

OUT OF 1500.

Which means I’d have to eat two cheese slices for lunch and a two bananas for dinner.

Dang.

The BIG BREAKFAST with the hotcakes is history.

If you’re on My Fitness Pal, look me up. I suppose it would be fun to add friends, so long as My Fitness Pal doesn’t offer up my three numbers or rat me out when I fall off the biggest la-ooser wagon and eat a sleeve of thin mints.

I suppose My Fitness Pal worked for me!

Me and My Crazy

Yesterday after school McDaddy got the big idea to take Stevie skiing. There is a ski resort roughly 90 miles from our house that offers night skiing and so this evening excursion has been in the planning stages for some time now. Since learning to ski, Stevie has only been three or four other times which is fine with me because OHMYGOSH THE DANGER.

Earlier in the day McDaddy crammed some articles of clothing for the two of them in a bag and threw it in the truck. Had I been the one organizing the trip, I would have made a list twelve days ago that included such things as, two changes of clothes for everyone in attendance, plus two pair of shoes, snacks, car toys, electronic devices, tissues, drinks and extra underwear. But alas, this was ‘their deal’ and it required nothing of me except a promise to Alex that the two of us would do something special.

After having dinner at the iHop (Alex’s favorite because he loves pancakes and one of my favorites because they offer a military discount) he asked if we could stop at K-Mart so that he could exchange a Batman toy that he received for Christmas for one that he didn’t have. I picked up a new mop, two kitchen rugs and a gallon of milk.

Before heading home we made one last stop – this time to Lowes – because I got it in my head that the interior side of our front door needed a new coat of yellow paint. The Valspar display overwhelmed me mostly because I have no idea about the differences in latex, flat, semi-gloss, and satin finishes. To top that off, there were at least fifty shades of yellow and none of them seemed to really grab me. Instead, I grabbed a handful of samples and started toward the door. As I was walking past, the blues caught my attention. Within minutes I was at the cash register paying for a quart of blue paint called Wellspring.

This little scenerio is a prime example of what happens when McDaddy is not around to talk me down from the ledge. I make crazy decisions that I have no business making without a 48-hour waiting period. Confident in my decision, I hurried home, anxious to slap a coat of paint on the door and take my new mop for a test drive.

Make no mistake people, I lead a crazy exciting life.

Between the paint fumes and the white vinegar/bleach cocktail I used on my floors, I was a hot mess.

Y’all.

I think I had a buzz.

Not only that, but before the paint on the door was dry, I was kicking myself because THE BLUE IS SO MUCH DARKER THAN THE YELLOW and mainly because I knew better. My crazy surprises even me sometimes. 

As I hammer out this post I am coming down from my high.

Batman and his bat-cycle are glad to be out of the K-Mart toy department.

The jury is still out on the door.

All McFellas are tucked safely in their beds.

Our kitchen floor sparkles like a shiny diamond.

Libman makes a real good mop.

The kitchen rugs look wonderful, just as I suspected.

My eyes are burning from the bleach.

And my head is still spinning.

All in that order.

Night y’all.

Not So Easy Off

On Wednesdays, I usually share a tip that works for me.

Today, Kristen is changing up Works For Me Wednesday, and we are asked to share something that doesn’t work for us.

The stubborn spots on my stove top do NOT work for me. 

I love our stove, I really do. But these stubborn spots drive me insane.

Over the years, I’ve purchased countless stove top products in hopes of ridding our stove of stubborn spots.

I’ve scrubbed. I’ve wiped. I’ve scraped. I’ve washed. I’ve sprayed. I’ve magic erased. And I’ve rubbed.

My current arsenal consists of:

I have also used vinegar, baking soda, and plain soapy water.

Still, the spots remain…

What works for you?

My OCD sent me a thank you card today

I am an organizer by nature.

Which is funny because my the stuff in my head is anything but organized, as is obvious if you’ve spent any amount of time around here.

That’s not to say that my house is always organized and tidy. It means instead, that I just function better when things are as they should be. For that reason, I spent two hours cleaning out my closet yesterday. I’ve walked into the closet several times today just to look at it and smile.

In fact, my OCD sent me a thank you card today.

After that, I purged 14 pairs of shoes and STILL have more shoes than any one person (myself included!) needs.

Next, I changed purses because that’s what I do when the wind blows I get bored.

Next on my list is cleaning out the kids’ dresser drawers and closets. We have more than several shirts and pants that need to be removed and placed in the “to be sold at Lil’ Lambs” tote because they are two inches too short for either kid. Truth be told I could rid my closet of several pants and shirts because, you know, our dryer enjoys shrinking my britches. But we won’t even go there because McDaddy insists there is absolutely nothing wrong with our dryer. Ahem.

And speaking of McDaddy, he called me yesterday and I thought maybe he had hit his head on something because he mentioned the words sell and jeep in the same sentence.

I’ll give you a minute to let that sink in.

It took me a bit to gather my thoughts because HOLY CRAP! my man must of lost his mind.

After a minute or so I discovered he was in favor of selling the jeep if, and only if, we could buy a wrangler that a friend of his has for sale.

Wellalrightythen, let’s see. Selling one heap to buy another heap.

Hum. A wrangler is no doubt cooler than a Cherokee, but it is still a heap nonetheless. A few months ago, a friend of McDaddy’s left his jeep at our house and we decided to take it out one evening. We took the top and the doors off and away we went. While dancing along with my iPod (which was blaring through the speakers) to Rob Bass (a little Joy and Pain), I got all wild and crazy and the next thing I knew my shoe flew off my foot and bounced down the highway.

One thing is certain if McDaddy decides to purchase another heap. Fun topless times are sure to follow.

It amuses me that this post started out about my mad organization skills and then took a u-turn into a post about the heap and the heap, part two.

Obviously, rambling works for me!

For other Works For Me Wednesday posts, visit We Are THAT Family.

I Am Not A Morning Person

I am not a morning person.

For that reason you should not expect a picture of the beautiful sunrise that can be seen from our back deck in the mornings within the context of this post.

Not that I’ve ever witnessed a sunrise from the back deck, because, um, have I mentioned I’m not a morning person?

Rather, I do my best work at midnight and enjoy the peace and quiet that comes with that late hour.

Sadly, the County School Board does not see it my way and they have yet to adopt my plan for the new and improved school day that would begin at 9:00 AM. Instead, they insist that it is in the best interest of the children for the school day to begin at the crack-o-dawn 7:55 AM.

Which means, every morning at precisely 6:42 AM, I am awakened from a deep sleep by my stupid homedics SS5010 Sound Spa alarm clock signalling the start of another day.

I summons myself out of bed immediately, for I know if I do not I run the very probable risk that in between thinking about world peace and the latest episode of Dancing With the Stars, I will fall right back to sleep and will not know another thing until well after 8:00 AM which means that Stevie would be late for school.

Because I also set the alarm on my iPhone for 6:45 AM when McDaddy is out of town, thankfully, that has never happened.

Shortly after rolling out of bed, and just after I pee (I know, TMI!), I grab my morning coffee and wake up the kids.

If I would allow it, my sweet Alex would eat his beloved “brown sugar and cimmanum” pop-tarts every single morning.

As part of our morning routine, but just before heading out the door for school, my two boys somehow end up smearing this mess all over the bathroom.

I have no idea how they do it. I just know that somehow, (in a span of three minutes or less mind you), the McBoys have mastered the art of smearing tootpaste from one end of the bathroom to the other.

Which means I spend part of my morning cleaning cement toothpaste off of the bathroom countertop, the tile, and at least one morning a week from the door. Or the cabinet. Or the mirror.

How do you spend your morning?

You Capture is hosted by Beth over at  I Should Be Folding Laundry.

ecoStore USA

I am a sucker for cleaning products because I love to clean. In fact, I don’t do much else during the day except clean.

Or something like that.

On top of that, I live in a house with three males who couldn’t care less about cleanliness and fingerprints and stained clothes, oh my!

So when I received a an e-mail from ecoStore USA asking if I’d like to review a couple of their products, I was tickled….

Head over to my review page to read the rest of my review for ecoStore USA products.

When The Urge Hits!

It is no secret that I have a boat load of quirks.

I do not try to hide it, rather, I embrace it. My quirks and I have been through a lot. In fact, we entertain each other.

Take this evening for instance.

McDaddy is out of town (again!) this week and when that happens, the boys and I get into a tight routine where anything goes. If we want to see a movie, we see a movie. If we want to go to Toys R Us at 7 PM on a Tuesday evening, we go. And we normally eat dinner out somewhere because any reason I can find for not cooking is reason enough. What can I say? That’s just how we roll around here. That’s not to say that McDaddy doesn’t like to have fun or do those things too, it’s just that when he works all day and comes home, there is an expectation of oh, I don’t know, some form of dinner and relaxation in between yard work, domestic projects and playing in the garage with his heap, er, I mean Jeep.

Another thing that happens when he’s gone, is that I very often feel like a lost ball in a field of weeds. Not that I mourn McDaddy’s absense or anything, it’s just that I get bored easily. Especially when the boys are watching Tom and Jerry or fighting over batman toys. There are times when the urge hits me to take on a project and if I have any sense at all, I DO the project when the urge hits because Lord knows it might be another three years before the urge hits for that particular project again.

I took the boys to see Despicable Me after Stevie got out of music camp today. The second I walked through our Laundry room (which is a stretch because it is more of a walk-way connecting a “soon to be mudroom” and the new playroom) the urge hit me to sort toys. The boys helped me sort the twelve multi-colored buckets, the bins, and the toy box and before long, it was done.

Then I looked over at my laundry area and another urge surfaced. I kicked off my shoes and got busy. I would have taken a picture of the mess pre-urge, but really, it was embarrassing, and I was afraid y’all would judge so you’ll just have to believe me when I say it was a mess and has been a mess since the laundry room / toy room project got underway. The dryer was covered with all manner of wall fixtures and hanging stuff. A broken toy that needed fixing, a pile of stuff that needed to be taken to Goodwill and who knows what else was there. Immediately beside of the dryer was a microwave stand that housed a small television that we really no longer need along with a VCR (For you twenty-somethings, the VCR predated the DVR) some old coasters, three sleeves of paper cups (another of dad’s “too good to pass up at the auction” finds) and an envelope containing what appeared to be loan papers for a vehicle.

The urge to straighten the mess smacked me in the face and before I knew it, I was swarpin’ and tossin’. Then, I heard the kids going bananas upstairs and knew from the excitement in their voices that paw-paw stopped in for a visit. My dad pops in at totally random times and that’s just fine with me because he can’t sit still either and loves to tackle a good project. I put him to work putting together a dryer rack because my bras and shirts are shrinking at an alarming rate and also because there’s a big dryer funnel looking thing ont he floor that I thought wouldn’t be so obvious if there were a drying rack resting in front of it.

Like I said. Quirks.

Because the dryer rack was about four inches taller than my dryer, I was bothered.

Not the kind of bothered that makes one go, “shoot, I wish that was a bit shorter, oh well!”

I’m talking about the kind of bothered that me and my OCD knocks around that says, “That thing will either be sawed off or I will march it right back to the Wal-Mart tomorrow!”

In a matter of minutes, my daddy had the bottom portion of the dryer rack sawed off and put back in place and I’m sure I heard the hallelujahs roll. We spent the next hour cleaning the windows over the washer and dryer because neither of the TWO! discount dollar stores had blinds long enough for the window. Funny thing is, now that the window is clean and bright, I don’t think I need a blind there.

See for yourself!

What’s that?

Oh that picture?

I thought you’d never ask.

Indeed it is. Yours truly in a Chili Pepper Red Saturn Sky. From the test drive, of course.

My reasoning involves making the laundry room a more enjoyable experience.

And that works for me!

Visit We Are THAT Family for more WFMW entries.

Thursday Thirteen – Such A Turn On!

As I made 4,382 trips up and down my stairs yesterday in an attempt to bond with the washer and dryer, it dawned on me that I hadn’t come up with a topic for this week’s Thursday Thirteen.

I thought it might be fun to come up with thirteen things I’ve turned on this week.

So, I sat in my big, blue, bloggy chair and I composed this post. And then I smiled because I’m goofy like that and sometimes I crack myself up when I write. And then I went to bed.

And then the next day, my BFF left a comment that said,

Where is Thursday Thirteen slacker?

And I was all, “It should be there. It was a really cute post about things that turn me on things I turn on.”

And then I remembered I forgot to post it.

But better late than never, I suppose.

So, in the words of Simon Cowell, off we go.

1. My Van – While it might not be the coolest ride in town, you cannot beat it’s versatility or the space that it affords. Not to mention it has a sunroof, ya know, kinda like the Saturn Sky, but not really, because the Saturn Sky is a sleek, sexy, sporty, little ride THAT I ONLY FREAKIN DREAM ABOUT.

2. The Stove – Yes, indeed. My stove got a workout over the weekend thanks to the Easter holiday. It is once again clean and resting until the next time the urge hits me to cook.

3. My Best Friend Beloved iPhone – The nice guy at the AT&T store suggested it is wise to completely turn your iPhone off every single day and reboot it. And because I am one that always does as she is told, I do it. So, if your phone is acting a bit quirky or zonky, I would suggest you try it. I suspect it would fix your problem.

4. The Television – I don’t watch nearly as much television as I did years ago, but I do enjoy the occasional reality show, drama series, soap opera, news broadcast, and reality series. Sometimes all in the same evening.

5. McDaddy – Sorry, I just couldn’t let this one slip by me!  (I won’t say anymore because my mother-in-law? Happens to be one of my 8 faithful readers!)

6. The Bathtub – Our boys love to take a ‘play bath’. I typically clean the bathroom while they are playing because I have to be in the bathroom while they are bathing, and I am never one to pass up an opportunity to multi-task.

7. The Washer / Dryer Combo – I’m not sure who’s done more running this week. Me. Or the Dynamic Duo. On Tuesday alone, I did SIX loads of laundry. And, in a strange turn of events, the laundry was put away immediately.

8. The Air Conditioner – Okay. If I’m being completely honest, actually, McDaddy turned on the Air Conditioner. But, after the long, treacherous, cold, dangerous, aggravating, stupid winter we experienced here in the hills of West Virginia, I was tickled to actually be hot for the first time in a very long time. As in hot enough to warrant the air being turned on. Thank you sweet Jesus!

9. A Movie – Since purchasing our van in 2007 (or whatever year it was, I’m sure McDaddy will correct me if I’m wrong!) I rarely drive anywhere without hearing, “Mom, can we please watch a movie?” In fact, the question usually comes up before I make it out of the driveway. It’s a bit of an aggravation to hear the same question 14 times a day, but the DVD player sure comes in handy on long trips. The movie CARS has probably been viewed hundreds of times over the past few years.

10. My iPod - If you spend any time here at FITP, Inc. you know that I love any product that includes an “i” in front of it. They could make an iPuke and I’d probably buy one. I love my iPhone and my iPod and I turn both of them on regularly. When I clean house, I crank the iPod up and go to work. I’ve been known to listen to Puff Daddy, Selah, The Fugees, Kenny Chesney, Natasha Bedingfield, and then Jeremy Camp. My iPod is a diverse little booger. Great tunes I tell you.

11. The Blood Pressure Cuff – Remember when I recounted the Long Windy Tail about my Mirena IUD and my blood pressure? Well, six weeks later, I am still measuring the blood pressure. While it is much better, I still have to check the blood pressure periodically. Yesterday on Twitter, a tweep tweeted a link to a blog post written by Kristin detailing her trouble with Mirena. While her complications were much different than mine, I feel her post is worth reading if you are considering the Mirena IUD. To be fair, for every person that I’ve talked to who has experienced complications, there are just as many who have had no problems with the device.

12. The little boom-box in my Pioneer Clubs room – Every Wednesday evening, I have the privilege of teaching eight sweet little children about Jesus. One of the first things we do at our meeting is listen to the theme song of Pioneer Clubs – Thy Word – by Amy Grant. My little class was wound up like eight-day-clocks tonight. We always have a good time.

13. The Dishwasher – Every single day of my life I empty and refill the stinkin’ dishwasher. It’s much better than washing dishes, but man, it is never ending.

What have you turned on this week? I’d love to hear from you!

Happy Thursday, y’all.

Lots Of Lessons

what-i-learned-this-weekIt’s been two weeks since I’ve done a “What I Learned This Week” post. That means, that for the past two weeks, I’ve been jotting down notes and trying to remember all the things I’ve learned. Hopefully something I’ve learned, will be a help to one (or all eight of you!).

1. Google, as it turns out, is a verb according to Merriam Webster. Who knew?

2. The real Gunslinger Monster Truck, has a red, orange and yellow paint job. The Gunslinger Monster truck that is sold on the Monster Jam web-site, for some idiotic reason, is simply red. A difference that will be noticeable immediately to a four and seven year old.

3. Once you Google ‘Monster Jam’ and the ‘Gunslinger’ and discover that your four year old is in fact, correct in his assessment of The Gunslinger and its paint scheme, you will be livid because after all, you were doing Santa’s work and The Gunslinger was not available within a 40-mile radius of your home.

4. When you are making a new soup recipe, you should not attempt to swarp clean out a cabinet because if you do, you may end up scorching the soup (ahem!)

5. If you four year old has eye surgery with stitches that disintegrate, it is completely normal for the stitches to come out by way of the nose into a tissue. (Sick, but true.)

6. Regardless of what you are told, the last stitch might hang out in the eye for two months.

7. While the Longaberger hamper looks much nicer with a lid, it will not hold as much as the mound of clothing that can pile up on the hamper without the lid. In other words, if the mound of clothes will bug the snot out of you, you will need to 1) wash clothes more often, or 2) purchase another hamper.

8. If you set a plastic grocery bag on a hot glass stove top, you should know that it will take you just under an hour, a can of WD 40 and a razor blade to remove the melted bag from the stove top.

9. If you spend the better part of three days swarping and you drop a very large box of junk at the Goodwill, it is probably a good idea to let the gentleman unloading the box know that the box contains quite a few glass items, otherwise, he may hurl the box into a bin and you will know without a doubt that not one single glass piece in the box survived.

10. Mirena = Aggravation.

11. When purchasing Hot Chocolate from the Biscuit place down the road from the McResidence, one should wait a full thirty-nine minutes before attempting to drink it or else you will scald your tongue.

12. I learned how make a custom ring-tone on my beloved iPhone from iTunes. (Not a free service, of course!) You can only create a ring-tone (as far as I know) from a song that you purchased on the iTunes.

13. I also learned that you can now purchase something called an answer tune which is a custom ring that your callers will hear instead of the normal ring.

14. While looking for some old-school extravaganza on iTunes, I searched for Love Bites and Pour Some Sugar On Me by Def Leppard. My search resulted in various groups singing Def Leppard’s hits, but no actual Def Leppard. A visit to my friend Google, (which by the way do you remember is a verb?) explained that Def Leppard (along with countless other groups) will not allow their songs to be sold on the iTunes.

Dang. So much for that.

15. I found a really cool camera APP for the iPhone called Camera Plus. I also learned that its probably a good idea to get comfortable with the APP before taking a picture of your son making a foul shot.

16. I’ve learned that the older I get, the less I like the cold and the snow and the wind.

Told you the list was long.

Head over to Musings Of A Housewife for more things people learned this week!