A Pain In The Neck

I have been a slacker in the posting department.

Today, though?

I decided to bust out the laptop while watching Big Brother and catch you up on the goings on up in here.

1. For starters, my crazy medical drama is still in full swing and has become a great big pain in the neck.

Literally.

As you may recall, I had some serious medical drama involving my ear over the weekend.

After a visit to Med Express, a visit to the Emergency Room, a visit to an Ear Specialist, and a CT Scan, guess what?

The only thing I know for certain is that my ear is still hurting, the swollen lymph node behind my ear will have to biopsied if it doesn’t go down and after some stubborn veins in my arm and hand rolling, I have this beauty on my forearm where the nurse injected the dye for the CT Scan of my neck.

Thankfully, it isn’t nearly as painful as it looks.

2. Do you remember my sweet sister-in-law, Michelle? I sent her a text last weekend, asking if she’d be willing to make one of these for a window in our playroom.

Isn’t it fabulous?

Since our playroom is bright red and yellow, I asked Michelle to go heave on the red and light on the orange.

I found it on Pinterest and took a screen shot of it.

Am I the only one who takes random screen shots several times each day?

I can’t wait for her to finish it!

3. And speaking of random…. During VBS at our church, a friend of mine had a really cute, colorful, glass-bead bracelet on her wrist that she bought while visiting Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. I absolutely fell in love with it. This week, another friend of ours – who also loved it – went to Myrtle Beach. She searched out the little Guatemalan shop and texted me a picture of the one she picked out for me.

Isn’t it lovely?

4. I got so excited, I came home and ordered these

because I have not been able to find them at any of the local shops here in Charleston that carry the brand and also because they have sold out of several sizes since I last checked the website, and I couldn’t bear the thought of having that cute little bracelet without these flip-flops that I’m pretty sure will match the bracelet perfectly.

You may remember that I ordered their rhinestone counterpart just a month or so ago.

Clearly, it doesn’t take much to excite this ol’ girl.

5. I spent the evening looking at this,

All I could think about was McDaddy falling out of that tree.

Yes, that is McDaddy up in that tree.

And yes, I was a nervous friggin’ wreck.

I’d love to hear from you guys. What have you been up to these last few days?

Snake, Rattle and Roll

It’s another wild day in the life of me,
Which means it’s also another crazy post.
One day last week, I did something new
It was a day with those I love most.

It was another fun day with friends and our Jeep,
Before we left, I packed us a big lunch.
As we drove to the woods where we’d spend most of our day,
I thought about how much I loved this crazy bunch.

We spent the day driving through dark green woods,
And some rocks and then, the creek,
I decided to do my best today,
To not act like a scared, crazy freak.

As we drove along the road on our way,
There was a truck stopped just ahead,
Why were they blocking and stopped in the road?
And then we saw it lying there, almost dead.

They had stopped to take care of this,
And I jumped out to get a closer look,
Yes, I almost peed down my leg,
When its head moved toward my foot.

Somehow the thing was still moving,
Despite the rock to the head,
According to some they move till sundown
And then, they’re really dead.

Less than an hour later,
Something bizarre took place,
If you have a squeamish stomach
You might want to turn your face.

Something I never thought I’d do,
And no, this one is not fake.
The fellas had beheaded it earlier,
How did I end up holding a rattlesnake?

In forty years, I had never seen one,
But within an hour, I seen two,
Even without a head, it still moved
I squealed and yelled to my crew.

Not many of our group held it,
I guess I can understand why
Still can’t believe I held that thing,
And didn’t kill over and die.

This is one Jeep outing I won’t forget
I’m crazy for goodness’ sake,
And you guys will probably always remember,
The one where Princess Julie held the snake.

Have a great Monday, y’all!

File This Under ‘Daily Dose of Crazy’

It’s been one of those days.

First, I woke up to snow on the ground. Mind you, six days ago, I drove home topless in this…

Do you know how frustrating that is? Especially since the boys are off on Spring break this week. Quite honestly, it wouldn’t bother me if we never had another flake of snow fall here for the rest of my life. Honestly, it WOULDN’T!

It’s been a long, harsh winter, and I am so D-O-N-E with the snow and all its shenanigans.

And if that’s not enough, I’m aggravated because the biggest change in my body after losing fifteen pounds is a really LOOSE watch. Seriously, my wrists? Of all the races for the butt, hips and thighs to win. Nope. The wrists are victorious.

In addition to that, the craziest thing happened up in here, today.

A couple of weeks ago, a friend of mine posted a bedroom suite for sale on Facebook Yard sale. For a number of reasons, I had been wanting a different bedroom suite for quite some time, but mostly because, well, I get bored easily. After looking at the Oak furniture that our friend posted for sale, I decided I wanted it. I posted our furniture on Facebook Yard sale the next day. Within 45 minutes, our furniture sold. Two days later, the buyer came to pick up our furniture. Because I can never do anything the easy way, I talked McDaddy into buying new carpet for our bedroom. The day after selling our furniture, I purchased new carpet and it was installed the very next day. Since that time, our mattress and box springs have sat on the floor and we’ve used square laundry baskets as night-stands.

Because of baseball, scouts, church, and a busy social calendar, it took several days for us to pick the new (to us!) furniture up. We’ve been living out of 31 bags since I emptied our furniture. Last night, we brought the headboard and footboard home, along with the mirror that attaches to the dresser. Unfortunately, our friend had used the bed with a full-size mattress. Because of that, the support slats had been cut to accommodate a full size mattress. As he always does, McDaddy stopped by Lowes today and purchased the wood. He had the new slat supports in a matter of minutes. (Have I mentioned I love that he can do just about anything?)

We picked up the rest of the furniture this evening and I was so excited to get it in place. Once we got the dresser and armoire where we wanted it, McDaddy connected the side rails to the head-board and foot-board, and he placed his newly made support slats in their place. Then, I helped him woller the box springs down onto the bed frame. The only problem was the box springs were too long to fit on the bed frame. The only way the box springs would fit, was to disconnect the side rails from the footboard. As it turns out, the side rails are 75 inches long. Our mattress and box springs are 78.5 inches long.

Math has never been my strong suit, but even I can see the problem with trying to put a 78.5 inch mattress on a 75 inch bed frame.

Y’all.

The craziest things happen to us.

I have no doubt that McDaddy will fix the bed mess tomorrow. And I’d bet the farm he wishes he had talked me down from this latest bright idea, and just kept the furniture we purchased just after getting married 16 years ago, along with the gray shag carpet that was in our bedroom when we moved in here eleven years ago. Instead, our mattress and box springs are still sitting on the beautiful brand new carpeted floor, the head-board and foot board are leaning up against the wall above them.

Either the side rails for the bed have been cut to accommodate a full size bed, or we purchased an extra-long queen mattress and box springs – if they even make such a thing.

All I know is, I couldn’t find one single piece of evidence on the Google that this has ever happened to any other person on the planet.

But that’s not the case, now. I’m changing the face of the internet, one Facebook Yard Sale purchase at a time.

I say it all the time, people. This blog is about so much more than just cheap entertainment.

This Too Shall Pass. Or Not.

I’m thinking it may be time to throw in the towel on this-here blog. As much as I love this family-friendly – daily rambling about my faith, my family, and my love for the Saturn Sky – I think the time has come to put it to rest.

And write a medical blog instead.

This is no lie – and I wish that I had exact numbers here, because I would never want to be known as one who embellishes a story – but, I’d be willing to bet that out of the 189 days so far in 2013, at least 150 of them have been spent dealing with hospitals, Doctors, medicines, lymphoma, orthostatic hypotension, kidney stones, lithotripsy, ultrasound, X-rays, insurance billing, oncologists,  pre-authorizations, peeing problems, CT Scans, lungs, diagnosis, tests, procedures, PleurX drainage catheters, cardiologists, side effects, medical supplies, home health, urologists, neuropathy, diabetes, ureters, orange pee, surgery, urinary tract issues, nausea, vomiting, abdominal pain, narcotics, antibiotics, Toradol, dizziness, antibody treatments, scheduling, fevers, chills, or medical appointments.

Seriously, it has been one medical problem after another for my grandmother, my mother, and me.

And while my grandmother and mother are far worse off than I am, I am choosing to share only my medical drama because, well, that’s their business, and this is my blog.

You may recall – or probably not, Lord knows I ramble on about so much – that I had a kidney stone in March. The first pain hit my right kidney while I was sitting with my mom IN THE HOSPITAL. I ended up in Emergency Room of that same hospital a couple of hours after the onset, thinking I might die while I was there.

Mahogany casket, here I come!

I passed that stone the next day and prayed to the Good Lord that I would never have another one. It was my second stone in ten years, but unlike the pain of childbirth that everyone says you’ll forget (I wouldn’t know I had two C-sections!) the PAIN FROM A KIDNEY STONE is never ever forgotten. And the next time you’re all sitting around a table looking for a topic of deep discussion or entertaining conversation, have someone mention the words kidney and stone and I can almost guarantee if anyone there has had one, you can bank on hearing the words, worst, pain, I, ever, AND, had.

Have you heard the saying “A healthy kidney is a happy kidney?”

Apparently my kidneys are neither.

Because LO and BEHOLD three short months later I found myself pacing the floor, holding my lower right back, same as I did three short months ago in Room 418 at Charleston Area Medical Center – General Division. I would try to describe the pain, but honestly, aside from A RAGING BULL COVERED IN SAND PAPER ROLLING AROUND IN YOUR LOWER BACK nothing comes to mind.

But wait, there’s more!

This time?

This time!

This time, I ended up going to the Emergency Room at Charleston Area Medical Center – Women & Children’s Division. I was in total and complete agony and again, crying like a crazed lunatic for the first thirty minutes or so. And then, just like magic, a full three minutes after the Toradol was injected into the IV, I was ready to run a marathon.

Or sleep like a baby.

Whatever.

I don’t know who invented the Toradol, but God bless ‘em because it is the MACK DADDY of kidney stone medications. I opted for the CT Scan this time because LET’S GET THIS THING A MOVIN. After the size and location of the stone were confirmed, I was given five (FIVE!) prescriptions and sent home with instructions to follow up with my Doctor.

As always seems to be the case with me, this thing wasn’t going without a fight. My Doctor called to inform me that the stone was stuck in my ureter, obstructing my bladder, and OH, let’s just do surgery this time. I could hardly contain myself. Surely I could pray this thing out of me. After all, the thought of a perfect stranger exploring the business end of things while I am drugged up and OUT OF IT on a cold operating room table doesn’t necessarily appeal to me. But then, neither does painful pressure of “my parts” before, during and after peeing. Not to mention the CONSTANT URGE I felt even when I was only good for three or four drops.

Let’s see.

An exploration.

Or a urination aggravation.

Stay Tuned….

I think we’ll call this The McMedical Mini-Series.

Where’d You Come From?

I am often entertained by that little Feedjit box over in my sidebar. It tells me where my readers come from, what search engine they used to get here, and get this – the words they type into the search engine that lands them here. Folks, there are some crazy, crazy people out there.

Over the past week, here’s what people searched for, that landed them here at my bloggy house.

Lafayette, Indiana arrived from google.com on “Who Do We Have Here?” by searching for Amish candles ear.

  • What’s up, Lafayette, Indiana? With the help of my friend, Jessica, I used the Amish ear candles on one occasion. After the candling, my ears felt better, but I’m not sure they really worked. My ears felt better afterwards, and there was obvious, um, nastiness on the end, but sadly, it did nothing for my inner ear eczema, as I had hoped.

De Kalb, Texas arrived from google.com on “Thursday Thirteen – Thirteen Things In My Purse” by searching for applying hand sanitizer on fever blisters.

  • Welcome, DeKalb! Um, hand sanitizer on a fever blister. Really? I do get fever blisters from time-to-time, and I must admit, I’d try a lot of things if I thought they would work, but I’m not sure about the hand sanitizer. Thanks for stopping by, though. 

Ashland, Kentucky arrived from google.com on “Thursday Thirteen – The Letter K” by searching for Hamor Street Townhouse Flatwoods KY.

  •  Aw, hey there Ashland, Kentucky! McDaddy and I lived at Hamor Street Townhomes (#6 – the one with the wreath) in Flatwoods (Home of Billy Ray Cyrus!) during our first year of marriage. It was a wonderful place to live, and the townhomes, back in 1998 were new. Oh, and on an unrelated note, our phone number when we lived there was 606-836-8365.

Perth, Western Australia arrived from google.com.au on “One Of Those Dreaded Christmas Letters” by searching for Free happy Christmas letters.

  •  G’day, Mate! I always love to see International Visitors show up here at From Inmates To Playdates, Inc. I hope you found some great ideas for your annual Christmas letter while you were here. Yes, I am one of those people who send out an annual letter every December.

Borger, Texas arrived from google.com on “Who Do We Have Here?” by searching for milia removal.

  • Welcome, Borger, Texas! A few years back, I had (a) milia removed from my face. It was quick and painless, and I was told by the dermatologist that a tool is available at the Wal-Mart for do-it-yourself milia removal. I recently tried to convince McDaddy that I could remove his after watching her remove mine. He declined my offer.

San Diego, California arrived from google.com on “Broken Jaws” by searching for Are jaws broken during embalming?

  • San Diego, I’m so happy that you’ve stopped by. It may surprise you to know that a funeral director friend of mine invited me to watch an embalming a few years back. The jaw is NOT broken during embalming. It is, however, wired shut for all of eternity during the embalming. The mouth is closed either by tying the jaw together with a piece of suture string or by a special injector gun. [Bryan, if you’re reading this, please remember that if I happen across your embalming table that I don’t want to be wired completely shut.] My jaws were wired shut for six weeks after mandibular surgery when I was a senior in high school, and I have no desire to be wired shut ever again.

 Monroe, Louisiana arrived from search.mywebsearch.com on “Letters To Crazy People – From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for Letters people have wrote to their ex dealing with his new wife.

  • Monroe, how are you today? I giggled when I read the whole “letters people have [written] to their ex dealing with his new wife” thing. While I write plenty of Letters to Crazy People around here, I don’t have an ex, and I’ve never had to deal with a new wife. But if I were dealing with a new wife, you better bet there would be plenty of letters to her around these parts. 

Florence, Kentucky arrived from bing.com on “A Little Bit Of Gross! — From Inmates to Playdates” by searching for How to get my wife to get a little bit nasty but not gross nasty.

  •  Florence, Kentucky, I have no words. And that doesn’t happen often.

Espoo, Southern Finland arrived from google.de on “Kinky In Helsinki” by searching for kinky in Helsinki.

  • Well hello Finland! I guess by now you know that I didn’t really get kinky in Helsinki. In fact, I’ve never even been to Helsinki. In this case, Kinky in Helsinki is, in fact, a pretty pink nail polish color.

Thanks for stopping by, y’all!

Hope to see you again real soon.

OCD with a Side of Crazy

I’ve mentioned more than once that I have a slight - slight - case of OCD. I have no idea when or how I discovered this fact, but I think it’s safe to say, (in the words of Lady GagGag), that I was born this way. It’s no secret that I have a truck-load of quirks, (Remember, I did work in jail!) and I operate best when everything is in its place.

I was standing in line at the grocery store a few days ago, when it dawned on me that I am all kinds of crazy. When the cashier handed cash back to me, I turned it all the same direction before filing it – in denominational order – in my wallet. The gal behind me let out a loud sigh that told me she didn’t appreciate me standing at the register a mere fourteen seconds while I took care of my business.

She’s lucky I had my Women of Faith t-shirt on, or I might have given her a piece of my mind.

(I’m just keeping it real, here.)

 

Over the years, McDaddy has learned to adapt – and even embraces – my quirks.

Well, most of them, anyway.

He does not however, embrace my love of lighting elements.

1. When I’m at home, I like the front door to be open (saying WELCOME!) and all the lights to be on. McDaddy (God love him!) is a firm believer in energy and HVAC conservation, and prefers the doors and blinds closed and the lights off. (We go round and round every single time he turns off a light in the room I’m in.)

2. I never, ever sleep in socks. In fact, I don’t even really like socks. It would thrill me to wear flip-flops 365 days a year.

3. And speaking of shoes, I rarely EVER go barefoot outside. When I see people at theme parks and public places without shoes, it makes me cringe because that is straight-up nasty.

4. I prefer to drink soda from a COLD 20 ounce bottle. It is my belief that when a soda sits in a fridge for any amount of time, it loses fizz or flavor (usually both!) and is gross. On any given day, there are three or four 20 oz. bottles of coke in the fridge that have about three swigs left. I pretty much have to make myself drink those, and usually gag doing it.

5. As a general rule, I never, ever buy generic cereal or poptarts.

6. Canned foods are lined up with labels facing forward in the cupboards. Same with drinking glasses. I’m pretty sure it’s a sickness.

7.  I hate to see numbers on my badge APPs on my iPhone. When my voicemail badge has a number by it, I have to erase it or it drives me crazy crazier. I rarely ever have WWF plays waiting on me because I can’t stand seeing the number notification on there.

8. I make my bed as soon as I get out of it in the morning. It is something I’ve done for many, many years.

Yes, my freak flag flies high some days.

9. I am the bookkeeper for Stevie’s baseball team. I am pretty particular about the book. Recently, one of the dads kept the book until I could make it to the game from an appointment. Y’all! HE USED A FRIGGIN PEN. Once I got home, I ripped the pages out and recopied them in my writing, WITH A PENCIL. Because of that, there is a running joke among the baseball parents that I am OCD about the book. A fact that I do not deny.

10. It is difficult impossible for me to STAY FOCUSED on any one thing for long periods of time. That fact, makes that baseball book a tough gig at times. It is also the main reason I am up so late every night. I sit down with my laptop at 10 PM thinking I can crank a blog post out in a reasonable amount of time, and lo and behold, the iPhone starts to ding with every Words With Friends play, and that number shows up on the badge APP, and then I make the plays, return to the blog post and then discover another episode of Dance Moms or DCC Making the Team on the DVR, and then the next thing you know it is midnight and I’m over on Facebook nosing in somebody’s bidness.

It is interesting to note that I am writing this very sentence at 1:12 AM.

11. I have about 213 pairs of sunglasses. I wore glasses and/or contacts for many years, so I never purchased sunglasses. After LASEK surgery though, I became a sunglasses buying fool. Although I have several [read: A LOT] pairs of sunglasses, I rarely have a pair when I need them because I often forget and leave every single pair in the same vehicle glove box. That fact drives this crazy OCD gal nuts.

Believe me, I could go on-and-on because my crazy spans for miles, but it’s late and Dance Moms – The Reunion is on, not to mention I’m up to 839 words and y’all are probably bored to tears, so I’ll stop now.

Care to share a quirk?

A Hot Mess With A Baseball Bat

We had a great weekend here at the McResidence.

For the first Saturday in who knows how long, the sun decided to shine. The boys and I enjoyed a full day, half of which was spent at the ball field. Alex had a successful day at first base and made quite a few outs. Now granted, he plays T-Ball, but still… impressive none-the-less.

Stevie’s team played beautifully and ended up winning their game 12-7. The bad news is there was another game after ours, which meant our team only got to play three frazzlin’ innings. After we got home, we enjoyed an evening with friends and a surprise early return from McDaddy who had been working out of town all week. I didn’t mention that little tidbit last week because, well, McDaddy fears that someone reading my blog might decide that would be a good time to rob the joint.

I don’t really get scared when McDaddy is gone. To be honest, I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about it. McDaddy travels a lot and I am a bit of a drama queen (ahem!), so thinking about being robbed would probably be enough to put me over the edge. Now that’s not to say I don’t have a backup plan, because not having a back-up plan would be irresponsible and downright stupid because this world we live in is full of straight-up crazy people. My back-up plan came in handy early Saturday morning.

I was awakened by a rustling noise at 4 AM. The noise was continuous and it was close to my bedroom. I was sleepy and disoriented and pumped up on adrenaline. I rolled over onto McDaddy’s side of the bed and retrieved the ball-bat from beside of his nightstand. I cocked that sucker back and crept through the hallway like I was about to go all Freddy Kruger on some unsuspecting soul.

Now this is the point in the story where I could give you the horrific details of a home invasion and subsequent attack. Instead, I can only blame the noise on a five-ounce hamster and a squeaky wheel. Just to make sure I wasn’t all the way crazy, I crept downstairs to check the basement doors to make sure they were locked. As I rounded the corner into what will soon be my mud-room I just about jumped out of my skin when I saw a reflection in the sliding glass doors.

My own.

Folks, I am a hot mess. A hot mess with a baseball bat.

I probably wouldn’t have been so dramatic, had it not been for the call I received last weekend. Thankfully, there weren’t any irate callers on my telephone line this weekend.

And speaking of lines…

This week’s You Capture challenge is lines.

I just love the lines on my sweet fancy rocking chair.

Even though my iPhone camera appears to have taken this picture in a smoke-filled room.

My next stop in my quest for lines was our dining room table.

I have no idea why the pears are the color of lemons in this picture. I am assuming the wires in the iPhone/Editing software got crossed and somewhere we lost the true identity of the pears.

I say it all the time people, “GET OUT THE CANON FOR PICTURE POSTS.”

Or at least I think it.

And speaking of lines, wouldn’t this be the sexiest little thing in the school pick-up line?

Yes, I think so too.

Never mind that I’d only be able to pick up one kid.

Details, details.

Watch You Say?

The following is a true story.

Yesterday, I went to the mall in search of a dress watch for McDaddy. I bought him one several years ago, but it decided to slow down a few months ago. And slowing down is a bad thing when you’re a watch.

I had about two hours in between Valentine parties, (which isn’t a lot of time) but I was sure I could find one that I liked.

Except that I didn’t.

I was looking for a dress watch, but I didn’t think McDaddy would want one with a huge face on it because he is not all about the flash and the oversized shiny objects dangling from his wrist. And I wasn’t going to buy a watch just to be buying a watch.

Y’all. I am serious about my shopping.

So. I left the mall, drove all the way back to the school to attend Alex’s party and then headed back to the mall for a second go-round. This time, I had an hour. My first stop was Reeds. I immediately saw a watch that I really liked. I asked the salesman if I could see it, and he made the comment that it was on a great sale today. He handed me the watch, grabbed a calculator, punched some buttons and said thirty-two fifty.

I was sold.

As I was digging through my purse for my wallet, I commented that thirty-two fifty was a great price for that beautiful watch, and I knew McDaddy would love it. Before I could get the money out to pay, the salesman said, “That is a great price. It is regularly six thousand.”

With wide, surprised eyes, I said, “Oh, you meant thirty-two, as in thirty-two hundred?”

I could barely get the words out.

“Yes. Yes ma’am. This watch is regularly six-thousand dollars.” he said.

Sweet holy Moses.

I laughed out loud because if ever there was a time that I was out of my league, this little trip to the Reeds was it. And also because if I were going to drop six grand in a jewelry store, you better believe there would be diamonds involved.

The salesguy looked at me like I had lost my mind.

I couldn’t stop laughing.

I laughed even harder when salesguy asked his salesman friend to show me the case with the “more affordable” watches.

Needless to say, I did not buy that fancy, expensive watch.

But I did purchase a nice watch. A fancy, nice, affordable watch.

And I could have bought 19 more of them for the price of that one.

A Whole Lotta Crazy Up In Here…

If you know me in real life, you know that I have really strong opinions about most things.

And that’s putting it mildly.

That also translates into there’s a whole lotta crazy up in here.

1. I am currently listening to McDaddy sawing something in the wreck-room basement. He and my dad are working on what will eventually be my our new mudroom. When McDaddy ripped the carpet up in there over the weekend, he discovered a water leak within the walls and traced its origin to the upstairs bathroom.

SO.

Unfortunately, that means McDaddy has quite a bit of work to do before he can even begin the work that we had planned. I am thankful that he is pretty handy around the house, AND that he can consult with MyDaddy on things he is unsure about.

2. I am enjoying the American Idol auditions and in my humble opinion, JLo and Steven Tyler fit right in at the judges’ table. The feathers in Steven Tyler’s hair though? Not a great addition. In fact, they make him look like a goon.

Like I said, strong opinions.

2b. If I were a star of any kind, I think my name would be JMac.

3. I received a call from my medical Doctor yesterday. My heart is healthy. Thank you, Jesus! (And thanks to all of you who inquired about my condition. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers.)

4. If you love Words With Friends, you should get Scramble With Friends.

5. While talking about relaxing your colon on The Doctors, Dr. Travis Stork actually said the words, “while sitting on the pot” yesterday.

Not sure why I felt compelled to share that.

6. I haven’t mentioned Lulu lately. At this very minute she is going to town on her wheel. And it squeaks.

7. It was 62 degrees today. In February. In West Virginia.

8. It aggravates me that people are so quick to jump on the buzzword bandwagon and use words like epic, and ’nuff said’, and ‘that awkward moment’. Seriously people. Epic? Nothing is really epic. Is it? Unless you are a ridiculously long poem.

8b. Buzzword bandwagon. That’s fun.

9. I recently added some Lynyrd Skynyrd to my iPod. I never realized how difficult it was to spell Lynyrd Skynyrd until deciding to mention it in this post.

10. I had a number of title options for this post,

  • Relaxing Your Colon (ha!)
  • The Buzzword Bandwagon
  • Epic Proportions
  • Feeling Compelled
  • Strong Opinions
  • The Squeaky Wheel

but felt like ‘A whole lotta crazy up in here’ wrapped it all up in a nice, neat package.

Have a great weekend, y’all!

 

At The First Sign Of Trouble

On a terribly boring day, I sit here, laptop in hand (or on my lap, as it were) attempting to come up with something thought provoking or amusing to write about. On a good day, I come here already knowing what it is I’m going to blog about and sit here with my fingers on the keyboard waiting for the post to pretty much write itself. And on a really good day, I get here, get my laptop turned on, go to the internet, click on my blog, finally arrive on my dashboard (where I write blog posts before publishing) and I done went and forgot what in the heck I had planned to write about.

Getting old stinks.

Excuse me while I go drink my Ensure.

And before you go and get your panties in an uproar, you should know that I don’t normally go around saying stuff like “done went and forgot”. I just like to shake things up here on the blog from time to time.

For the past month or so, I’ve been experiencing some lightheadedness. Or dizziness as it is also called.

When I google lightheadedness or visit DiagnoseMe dot com, I find all sorts of symptoms and causes and oh my word would somebody please remind McDaddy that I’ve outlined instructions for my funeral here on the blog on the off chance that this is it.

What? You don’t visit DiagnoseMe dot com?

I can’t say that I blame you, because the first thing any medical professional will tell you when something is wrong is to stay off of the internet. Though, had I listened and never visited a medical site, how else do you think I might have learned about Pott’s puffy tumor?

So, for me, visiting Dr. Interneticus is generally what I do at the first sign of trouble.

It all started the day of Christina’s card addressing party. One minute, I was sitting there stuffing some 200 Christmas cards, laughing, eating, and sharing my Facebook Yardsale success story, and the next minute I was in the bathroom trying to make for sure that I wouldn’t hit my head on the sink if I passed out on the toilet. 

True Story.

I quickly packed my things and came home to lay down because I was sure I was about to pass the heck out, and the last thing I wanted to do was add a head injury to my medical history. Or my obitiuary. The lightheadedness was pretty serious for about three days, and then it eased up some. Several weeks later, it is much better but still rears it ugly head from time to time.

Rears it ugly head! I crack myself up. 

When I put the words lightheadedness and dizziness into the search box on the medical site (which is admittedly no substitute for a visit with a quailified, licensed health care professional) , I am presented with several possible reasons for my newest diagnosis.

The first possibility is sinus trouble.

I am a nose-blower. It’s the first thing I do in the morning and the last thing I do at night. My nose is a hot mess. Still, my nose has been that way for 38 years and it’s doubtful that it is the source of my dizzy spells. The site suggests the use of a neti-pot to ease sinus pressure and trouble, and I do have one, but Dr. Travis Stork (The Doctors) mentioned that neti-pots are killing people because bacteria grows in the pot, and then people pour the bacteria straight into their noses, and yada yada yada, that just doesn’t appeal to me, so I vowed never to use the neti pot again.

Wonder if I could sell the thing on the Facebook yardsale site?

The next possible source of the lightheadedness/dizzy spells is inner ear trouble.

Y’all.

I am the poster child for inner ear mess.

You may recall I was diagnosed a year or so ago with eczema of the inner ear. Folks, you talk about a great big case of aggravation. Eczema of the inner ear is it. I am forever digging, scratching, or applying my “special salve” as McDaddy calls it to my inner ear with a Q-tip. So, it is totally possible that eczema of the inner ear is the culprit of the dizzy spells. And yes, I am well aware I should not be sticking a Q-tip in my ear, however, the ear/nose/throat specialist I went to suggested a Q-tip is the best way to get the suave way back into the inner ear to ease the itch.

SO.

You can imagine the dilemma with my ear.

When I finally got in to see my medical Doctor’s partner, he did several tests. The first test was to determine if I had suffered a stroke. I’m guessing the fact that I have high blood pressure, coupled with the revelation that I have been taking 320 miligrams of blood pressure medicine instead of the prescribed 160 miligrams might have thrown up a caution flag, because overmedicating is also a symptom of lightheadedness.

Don’t even ask how this happened.

The truth is I have no idea.

The only thing I know is that I WAS WELL AWARE I was taking 320 miligrams. And the Cigna pharmacy home delivery people were well aware because they were sending it. The two medical professionals in charge of prescribing the medication, however? Neither of them could figure out how/when/or why I was on the larger dosage. The even funnier part of this story is that when I receive my medications, I pour them all into one bottle because one bottle takes up less room than three. One of the bottles I threw away was the bottle for the 320 mg blood pressure pill.

It’s a miracle of sorts that I’m even alive.

My Doctor advised against this practice and strongly suggested I keep all medicines in the appropriate container for the life of the prescription.

Next up was an EKG.

An EKG that appeared to be abnormal until he asked if I had a bundle branch blockage.

You may or may not remember that I had an EKG about a year ago when I was having serious issues with my blood and its pressure. As a result, I discovered that I have a right bundle branch blockage in my heart. [Try saying that fast three times.] And apparently I should have had a complete cardiac evaluation after that discovery. Instead, I had nothing.

SO.

I was referred to a cardiologist for a complete evaluation, which may or may not have anything whatsoever to do with my dizzy spells.

The cardiologist called yesterday to remind me of an appointment today at 10:00 AM. The only problem is I make popcorn at the boy’s school every Thursday. When I called to reschedule, the receptionist totally understood the importance of the popcorn mom at a school and gladly rescheduled my appointment for three weeks.

With a little luck my heart will hold up that long.

Especially now that I’m taking the right dosage of blood pressure medication.

And drinking my Ensure.

Have a great Friday, y’all.

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I came *this close* to titling this post, Popping Corn and Popping Pills because I knew the search engines would send a lot of crazy people searching for ‘popping pills’ my way.

Then I thought better of it.