He Is….

He is…

– loving
– full of integrity
– methodical
– a seasoned traveller
– wonderfully equipped to handle my crazy (especially with 19 years experience)
– a self-taught drummer
– responsible
– usually right in his assesment that I am over-reacting to any given situation
– hard-working
– ridiculously funny (which probably comes as a surprise to some)
– a good friend
– crazy about Jeeps
– good at fixing stuff
– currently on-board with selling the van and buying a smaller, more economical car.
– sporting about twelve gray hairs at this minute
– meticulous about our vehicles
– not on Facebook. Or Twitter.
– is on Jeepinwv.com nightly
– thoughtful
– wrong in his belief that all Little Debbie cakes are cookies
– the best husband a girl could hope for
– 37 years old
– adventurous
– one of those people who always does the right thing even when no one is watching.
– respectful
– my soft place to land when things are awry
– entertained when I use big words improperly
– approximately 5’8″
– a math whiz (which is good, because the 3rd grade math is sometimes more than I can handle)
– not crazy about Chinese food
– watching Gray’s Anatomy with me right now
– not big on holiday gifts, but very good at surprising me on ordinary days
– the best back rubber
– a great dad
– MINE!

Green With Envy

A few months ago I became the proud owner of a DSLR Canon Rebel. It is user friendly, and I enjoy getting better aquainted with it. I am participating in You Capture, where this week’s challenge is simply, green.

Green reminds me of St. Patrick’s Day.

And grass.

Kermit The Frog.

And my Junior High School because our colors were kelly green and white.

And believe me when I tell you that I looked all over town for a green Saturn Sky.

I was green with envy when I saw this blue one though.

Does that count?

Yes. I believe it does!

Mum’s The Word

I left the house early this morning with a to-do list about three miles long. I hopped in the Jeep, cranked up Third Day and headed into town. It dawned on me that it was a little cool to have the windows out of the Jeep, but I was hopeful that it would warm up. One by one, I crossed each stop off of my list. I stopped for some lunch and decided it was finally warm enough to put the top down. The final stop on my list was the Farmer’s Market where I had planned to get a couple of pumpkins, and some gourds to decorate my front porch.

My daddy hauled a bail of hay for me earlier in the week because he knows that McDaddy gets all bent out of shape about me hauling the straw in anything other than our truck (which I rarely drive because it is huge!), so at least I didn’t have to deal with loading and unloading it, too.

As I walked around the market comparing prices of pumpkin, I made a snap decision and got all carried away. Before I could talk myself out of it, I bought two really ginormous mums, a scarecrow, four pumpkins, and a bag full of gourds.

It’s was clearly not the best idea I’ve had this week, because just look at this mess,

If that doesn’t scream red-neck, I don’t know what does.

[Somewhere McDaddy is sitting behind a computer screen rolling his eyes.] And yes, the mums are strapped in the seats with seatbelts.

I say it all the time, people. Go big or go home!

Plus, this little fella just about went flying out the back when I was driving home on the interstate. 

 But, in the end it was totally worth it, because just look at this cute little fella

Now. The question of the season is, how long will I be able to keep these mums alive?

Head over to THAT family for more things that will work for you.

Reaction Time

Four years ago, during a church Christmas play, Alex ate five mini ritz-bits crackers. Less than an hour later, he was puking his little thirteen month-old guts out. The next dayI called his pediatrician and requested an allergy test. At that time, we were told that our sweet boy was allergic to peanuts, tree-nuts, eggs and soy.

The allergist gave us two EpiPens and sent us on our way.

That pack of EpiPens expired. And so did the next pack.

AND, the next pack.

For that, we are grateful.

On Sunday, the boys and I headed out to the grocery store because we were out of Dr. Pepper and chocolate poptarts, which pretty much means things were gettin’ serious around here.  As we made our way through the store, the boys were driving me half-way out of my mind (not a long trip), so when they asked if they could have a [free] cookie from the deli, I came *thisclose* to telling them no. I gave in though, because 1. the cookies are free, and 2. I just knew it would insure me three minutes of peace.

When Alex walked up to me, I looked down and my heart sank. He had eaten about three bites of what appeared to be a peanut butter cookie.

Approximately thirty seconds later he told me “the water inside of his mouth felt weird”.

We scrambled to check out and loaded the groceries into the van. We made the two minute drive home and ran to the bathroom because I assumed he would throw up any minute, just as he did the first time we discovered the allergy. I looked inside of his mouth and was crazy with fear thinking I might need to administer that EpiPen, but even more fearful that I wouldn’t use it in time. I made a quick call to our nurse neighbor and asked if I’d be able to visably see his throat closing off by looking in his mouth. She suggested we drive him to the ER immediately. McDaddy drove way faster than he was supposed to and I was thankful that we live pretty close to a Children’s Hospital. During the short drive, I watched his breathing and asked him lots of time about his throat to make sure he could talk clearly.

When we arrived at the hospital, a nurse took us back to triage where he assessed Alex’s breathing and air passages. Thankfully, nurse told us his breathing passages were clear, and then explained that a serious reaction would have happened within five or ten minutes, and a milder reaction would have happened within thirty minutes. He sent us out to the waiting room to watch the crazy for signs of breathing trauma while waiting Alex’s turn in line.

Folks, the emergency room is an interesting place. Especially if you have a history of self-diagnosis and medical drama.

After about ninety minutes, McDaddy and I both agreed that we’d wait thirty more minutes before leaving to head home. He hadn’t gotten any worse and seemed perfectly content to sit in that waiting room and play his DS. Not more than ten minutes later though, he began to scratch his legs and when I pulled up his gym shorts, I discovered his skinny little legs were breaking out with little red bumps. And if that wasn’t enough, he was crying because “his belly was hurting badly.”

And my heart was aching knowing that I SHOULD HAVE BEEN ON TOP OF MY GAME.

Within minutes we went to the bathroom and he threw up BIG.

Between the rash and the vomiting, he got moved ahead of the line and we finally got settled into a hospital bed around 10 PM. We watched him for about an hour, and in that time, the hives got worse, and he developed a horrible cough and runny nose. Thankfully, after a dose of benedryl and what seemed like three or four hours, we got to go home.

So unfortunately, I learned a few things through this experience.

1. That even though we made it four years without an accidental exposure, I can not let me guard down for one single second when it comes to Alex’s food allergies.

2. Just because a triage nurse tells you that a reaction would have happened within thirty minutes, that doesn’t make it so.

3. We have been blessed, even with his food allergies that his is not more serious or life threatening.

4. When you’re headed to the ER and your iPhone is showing 40% charge TAKE YOUR FRIGGIN’ CHARGER.

That’s what I learned this week.

What did YOU learn this week?

You know The Drill.

Saturday Evening Post

I don’t usually post on the weekends, but writing a post sounded like more fun than finishing up my laundry, so just for fun, I thought I’d write a really long run-on sentence share some facts about this here blog.

For starters, I giggled when I typed this post title.

I love writing fun games! This post is the one most visited by Google visitors and gets at least two or three hits each day.

Searching for information on kisses, this post was the one most recently visited (thirty-three minutes ago) by a random person on Google.

Nederland, Texas is the home of the last reader that visited From Inmates To Playdates. And while we’re talking about Playdates, you’d be shocked at the number of people who show up here searching for ‘From Inmates To Playmates’.

I am always shocked when someone out there searches for the information included in this post. It also happens to be one of my favorites.

If this post doesn’t prove I’m crazy, I don’t know which one does.

Hoping to be ever mindful of the thousands of families dealing with this beast, I read this post often myself.

As of 10:51 PM EST, I’ve had 165,406 visitors to this blog. Folks, that is A LOT of crazy people.

One of my most controversial posts was this one. Not sure how there is SO much information out there I know NOTHING about.

And finally, one of MY MOST FAVORITE posts of all time. I’m hoping to have a follow-up post called HOW I ROLL very soon.

The Street and The Sky

While visiting Florida over the summer, we drove down this street. I don’t know the name of the street, but for obvious reasons, I call it ‘Easy Street’ in my head.

‘Easy Street’ is without doubt the most beautiful street I have ever seen. The houses are simply breathtaking and if by some chance they allow crazy people to live here, I’d love to call it home someday.

Last night I had a dream.

It involved me driving down ‘Easy Street’ in this:

The top was down. The sky was bright. The sun was shining. And I was hollerin’ like a crazy person.

There was a Dr. Pepper in the cup-holder (with a lid of course), the radio was blaring Me Against The World by 2Pac (because apparently that’s how I roll in my dreams) and I was hollerin’ like a crazy person.

Shemar Moore waved as I drove past. And so did Maksim Chmerkovskiy.

My sunglasses were on. My hair was a hot-mess (as it is most days), and heads were turning to see what the commotion was, coming from that bright yellow car. It was me, hollerin’ like a crazy person.

I was hollerin’ like a crazy person because after four v-e-r-y-l-o-n-g years, I was finally driving my dream car.

My smile was wide and I had not a care in the world.

It was a day I had dreamt of (ha!) for years and now, after all this time, here I was.

Just me. My dream car. And this beautiful day.

I might have heard a choir of angels.

And then, as it does every morning at 6:40 AM, this obnoxious monster had to rear its ugly head reminding me that it was time to wake up.

And I realized I had been dreaming.

It was all just a beautiful, perfect dream.

Which I should have known, because in real life, I would have been driving a (chili pepper) red one.

Whether I’m fast asleep or wide awake, you can pretty much count on me hollerin’ like a crazy person because I am one.

Someday Saturn Sky.

Someday.

Letters To Crazy People

It’s been one of those days where I’ve been overworked and overwhelmed. I’ve had a lot going on today and my brain is fried. And I should really be catching up on the never-ending flow of laundry that is piled up in the laundry room, but that would require me to get UP and do something and I just don’t have the get up and do something in me right now.

In fact, I can think of nothing better to do than to sit here on the couch and write some letters to crazy people.

—–

Dear Stupid Neighbor,

The cussing fit you had in the middle of the street the other day was ridiculous. Next time, take your fit to your own driveway, or I might just have a crazy fit of my own.

Fired Up,

One Ticked Mama

—–

Dear Haute Look,

You have things for sale. I GET IT! Really, I do. There is no real need to send me 13 e-mails every day.

Unsubscribing,

behindbars @ hotmail.com

—–

Dear Lulu,

There are at least three of us in this house who would love to be able to hold you and pet you. It’s okay that we can’t, but if you’d allow it, we would like to get to know you better. Oh, and if you could wake up a little earlier than 8:00 PM, the kids could enjoy you more. You’ve got the life, girl!

Scared of your big choppers,

Your new mama

—–

Dear Mark Zuckerburg,

WHY IN THE WORLD would you feel it necessary to change the Facebook layout again? I just don’t get why you’d try to fix something that wasn’t even broken.

Ugh,

A loyal but disgruntled user

—–

Dear Self,

Sometime within the next week you will purchase mums. The mums will need to be watered at least once every few days. Believe me when I say watering them is easier than resurrecting them. WATER. THE. SUCKERS.

Forgetful and Missing A Green Thumb,

Your Silly Self

—–

What would your letter to a crazy person say today?

Eye Think You’ll Love This!

I started wearing eyeglasses in the ninth grade and continued to wear them for eighteen years before I made the decision to get Lasek surgery.

I had the opportunity to watch with excitement as McDaddy had the same procedure four years prior. I was pregnant with Stevie and the nurse asked if I would like to watch. I jumped at the chance, mainly because I love a good story. Approximately four minutes into the surgery, I was thinking it might not have been the best decision I ever made because the burning eyeball or pupil or cornea or whatever it was, was a tad bit more than my sensitive nose could handle. Thankfully, the procedure was finished in a matter of minutes.

After establishing that McDaddy wouldn’t go blind from the procedure (you know, because at least one of us needed sight) I felt safe to have the procedure myself. It was a long eighteen-day recovery, but thankfully I now have better than perfect vision.

That wasn’t always the case though.

I was fourteen years old and preparing to start high school which is unfortunate because hello? Glasses and braces and big hair ohmy! It didn’t help that I chose the biggest, purplest pair of glasses I could find. 

As I look at the picture today, all I can do is shake my head. I have always been the type of person to try on every pair of glasses in the place though, so I know that I tried on many-a-pair before deciding on these.

Recently, I was contacted by GlassesUSA.com, a company that offers high quality frames and lenses with a 110% lowest price guarantee AND a 100% satisfaction guarentee. In other words, you can finally buy a pair of glasses without breaking the bank!

My first thought about purchasing glasses online was the fact that you wouldn’t be able to try the glasses on your face before buying them. But when I visited the GlassesUSA.com site, I discovered a ‘virtual mirror’ which allows you to upload a picture of yourself AND try on any of the glasses that you find on their site.

I don’t even wear glasses anymore, but I spent more than an hour looking at all of the glasses on their site, and trying them on using the virtual mirror. If you’re in the market to order glasses, you should head over to their site, and check out the latest fashions in eyeglasses, sunglasses and multi-focal glasses.

Additionally, you can stay up-to-date on all GlassesUSA happenings through their Facebook page and their Twitter feed (@GlassesUSA).

GlassesUSA.com is offering a generous deal for From Inmates To Playdates readers. Simply use the following codes at checkout.

Fall Sale:

  • Take $25 off any order of glasses with Transitions lenses with the code: Trans25
  • Take 10% off any order. code: Blog10

A great deal works for me!

—–

In the interest of full disclosure, this is a sponsored post, however, as always the opinions expressed

What I Learned This Week

I am curled up on my big, blue, bloggy couch watching the season premier of Dancing With The Stars. I’m waiting with Baited breath to see my boyfriend, Maksim dance with his new partner. I am on pins and needles because his baby brother is part of the cast this year, and well, that’s a whole lot of hot for one hour.

I’ll do my best to stay focused on sharing what I learned this week, but I make no promises because y’all know its hard for me to do anything when my boyfriend is performing.

1. The food pyramid has been replaced with a food plate.

2. There are several BIG singers who do not allow their music to be sold on iTunes. (AC/DC, Garth, Kid Rock, Bob Seger and Def Leppard). I was surprised to read that.

3. Several of my close friends hate Mexican food. Yikes, how do you HATE Mexican food? If nothing else,the chips and salsa are fun!

4. A modified Jeep must have a special inspection sticker.

5. Redbox is the bomb. I used Redbox for the first time this week and love the idea of not having to take out a loan at the bank to enjoy a movie.

6. After driving around in the Jeep for several weeks, it dawned on me that people were waving at me because I was driving a Jeep, not because they knew me. I suppose I am an official member of the ‘brotherhood’ now that I drive a Jeep everyday.

What did YOU learn this week?

You know The Drill.

I Realize We Can’t All Be Crazy

The last time the McFamily went camping, there was very little service at the campground. After a few hours, I discovered that IF I left my phone unattended on the couch, and didn’t touch it for eight or nine minutes, I could get just enough service to receive ONE Words With Friends play every three and seventeen minutes. Otherwise, I saw nothing but the dreaded ‘E’ in the space where the ‘3G’ should be. It was maddening. I recognize that not having phone service might be a blessing to some, but to me?

It’s a form of abuse.

Please let the record reflect, I AM NOT A FAN OF BEING WITHOUT PHONE SERVICE.

Since I didn’t have phone service AND since I finished Angie Smith’s book, I Will Carry You, (which is a great read, by the way!) I drafted a couple of blog posts with a pen. On notebook paper. You know, with three holes down the left side.

I’ll give you a second to process that little nugget.

Then, the four pieces of paper got lost in the abyss that is my handbag (sorry, I just can’t bring myself to use that word) purse and I didn’t find them until this morning when I changed purses because that is what I do when I get bored with the purse that I’m carrying.

I decided to go ahead and post one tonight because there’s no time like the present.

So, here you go.

A stale, two-week old blog post.

——-

I am composing this post from the couch in our camper, on an auction clip-board that my dad bought for Stevie, on a wide-ruled piece of note-book paper. My beloved iPhone has very little service and I am *thisclose* to losing my mind.

What’s left of it.

The boys are playing their DS’s and McDaddy is flipping through the television channels like its an Olympic sport. It is Labor Day weekend and we are camping with ten other families from our lovely little church. I first knew there would be trouble when I lost my beloved 3G signal about 15 minutes from the campground. I started to shake. And quiver. And I held out hope as we drove over each hill that me and 3G would be reunited and I’d sing that song about it feelin’ so good.

Tell me. How is it that we can put a man on the moon, yet there are still areas in the continental US without a 3G phone signal.

I just don’t get it.

There are probably a handful of you rolling your eyes as you read this, and I guess that’s okay.

I realize we can’t all be crazy.

But in my defense, I’d bet the farm you wouldn’t be rolling your eyes if you’ve ever had a kid in the middle of the road unconscious. Because if we would not have had phone service on that particular day, things could have been a lot different.

And speaking of lying in the middle of the road, guess what happened on Saturday night? A young girl on a scooter wrecked in front of our campsite and suffered a compound fracture which was unfortunate, but interesting to me because I had never seen a compound fracture firsthand, and it will be much easier to diagnose one now that I know what to look for.

Yes, I said diagnose one.

Because me and Diagnoseme.com are friends, and the more I know about medical situations, the better prepared I can be.

I think you’ll agree that a medical emergency is a really great reason to be whining about the lack of cell service. Well, that, and because my Words With Friends/Facebook beast is not accustomed to going three days without being fed.

On top of the ‘no phone service deal’, it reached a sweltering 478 degrees on Saturday and I’m pretty sure I lost one entire layer of skin wiping sweat. It was so hot, my sweat was sweating. And it was for that very reason we did not sit around a campfire because after sweatin’ like a pig all day, who in their right mind wants to sit around a stupid campFIRE?

NOT I FOR ONE.

When it finally decided to cool down to a reasonable temperature (and by reasonable, I mean 203 degrees), the Heavens opened up and poured out rain that had apparently been stored for nine days, because that’s how long the rain lasted. As you might imagine, I was a joy to live with this weekend. Especially since my monthly reign of terror happened to fall right in the middle of the long weekend. It’s a wonder McDaddy brought me home with him. Still, we had a good time considering all of that.

And I’ve placed a big red line through this campground on our map because we will not be visiting again unless I hear that 3G has made it way to this neck of the woods.

—–

Have a great Monday, y’all!