Notes to Crazy People

Y’all know I’ve always got something to say to somebody.

Today, I’ve got thirteen things to say so for those of you who enjoy my mindless rants, strong opinions this is your lucky day.

Hold on. This ride could get bumpy!

1. To The Powers That Be At Applebees,

I caught wind this week of a 2007 lawsuit filed against y’all as a result of asking a nursing mother to cover herself. While I was successful at breastfeeding modestly in public, I’d bet the farm that there was a time or two that one of the girls showed themselves. Still, breastfeeding a child in public is no different than feeding a child in public with a bottle. Shame on you, you sorry saps!

Sincerely,

A past breastfeeding mommy

——-

2. Dear Neighbors of the McFamily,

We love y’all. We really do! We do not, however, love your dog. Especially the one that has been doing his business in our yard and on our driveway. Seriously. Keep your dog on your property, please. We don’t want any trouble over here.

Thank you kindly,

McDaddy and Me

——-

3. To the gals on Facebook who insist on making that stupid duck face in pictures,

That pucker-thing that y’all do is not flattering. At. All. I would suggest you get to the closest mirror, make that face in the mirror, and ask yourself, does that look good on me?

No.

No, it doesn’t.

Regards,

The Bearer of Bad News

——-

4. To Our Mailman,

I will not. I repeat, I will not ever respond to your constant horn-blowing at the top of my driveway when you have a package to deliver to our home. If you have a package to deliver, I suggest you actually deliver it to the door. That’s what the Fed-ex man does. And the Ups man, too. So, get your hind-end out of the mail truck and bring the package to my door.

Thank You For Your Cooperation,

The gal in the brown house

——-

5. Dear CBS,

I love, love, love Big Brother. I appreciate another great season of watching crazy people claw each other’s eyes out to get closer to a $500,000. prize. I’d love to give that game a shot next season although McDaddy claims that I’d not have one. single. friend. when the show was over. Just a thought in case you need to fill that one last crazy person spot with a mouthy, stay-at-home-mom in her mid late thirties.

Crossing My Fingers,

McDaddy’s Wife

P.S. I will miss the Meow-Meow more than any of the other jokers from this season. I will not however, miss Rachel and her goofy, annoying laugh. And that little Hayden is such a cutie patootie, I’m so happy for him!

——-

6. Dear McDaddy,

My beloved iPhone seems to be losing a little bit more of its soul everyday. Can you look into getting me the iPhone 4 from your company website at a discount? Pretty please.

Your iPhone Addicted Wife,

Babycakes

——-

7. Dear WordPress,

Can you explain why the Blog Frog widget over there at the bottom of my left side-bar insists on being crooked. That one single little thing is enough to drive me batty. I’ve moved that widget all around in an attempt to get the little flower separator thing to get back in line.

Seriously,

Already Crazy Enough

——-

8. Dear Fall,

I love you and your weather. I just wish there was something we could do about the dark evenings.

Left in the dark,

Jewels

——-

9.  Dear Self,

Not there you have uploaded (or is it downloaded?) some new tunes to your iPhone, there IS NO GOOD REASON you should not have your hind-end on the exercise bike or the treadmill. GO. RIGHT. NOW.

Fondly,

Lazybones

——-

10. To The Dog Guilty of Pooping On Our Driveway,

While it is true that the only gun our family owns is my vintage 1988 majorette rifle, you should know that we are *thisclose* to purchasing a BB gun to scare the soup out of you with the next time you get the bright idea to drop a load on our driveway. We do not have a dog for a reason. Cleaning poop is one of them. Keep your mess over in your yard and no one will get hurt.

I ain’t playin,

The Crazy Lady

——-

11. Dear Thursday Thirteen Folks,

Sorry to inform you that Thursday Thirteen will be called Thursday Eleven today. That is all.

Carry On,

A Sleepy Blogger

Comments

  1. says

    That widget thing IS annoying.
    Dog poop is why I don’t have a dog also.
    I suddenly have the urge to go breastfeed at Applebees. Anyone have an infant I could borrow? (Kidding! I’m not that one lady who I should google but am too lazy who breastfed another woman’s baby)
    11 is “the new” 13. At least that’s what I hear.
    Chelsea recently posted…FriendsMy Profile

  2. says

    Just stopping by from BlogFrog, and I wanted to let you know that I will enter the BB house with you. We can be the REAL BRA-GRADE, because you know, we wear bras and not bris.

  3. Jean says

    Our mailperson places packages on our front porch. I may find them DAYS later – and wonder why we didn’t get mail that day.

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