Going Topless… And Shoeless.

It all started when McDaddy agreed to do a little bit of work on this Jeep.

Remember Justin? He’s the good friend of McDaddy’s who lovingly offered to mow our grass while McDaddy was deployed. The red jeep belongs to Justin and McDaddy had it here at our house doing some work on it as a wedding gift.

Yes, I said wedding gift.

I know. I know. Not my idea of a wedding gift either, but I didn’t get to vote.

Anyway. McDaddy and I were going to the funeral home and then out to dinner and then to SAMS. And he asked if I’d mind to take Justin’s jeep.

The ‘mones are raging and it had been one of those days. I decided to throw caution to the wind, (pun intended) and agreed to ride topless and doorless in Justin’s jeep wrangler. I pretty much knew my hair would be a hot mess, but I was confident that I could de-ruffle my feathers once we arrived at the funeral home.

That is, IF, I could figure out a way to mount the sucker, because it has been modified and sits about 112 feet higher than a normal vehicle.

Clearly, it was not going to be pretty.

McDaddy retrieved a folding stool out of the garage which aided in my entry. Once we were both in the thing, McDaddy started it up and pulled out of the driveway.

Approximately nineteen seconds into the trip, I was rethinking the decision.

We turned onto the main road out of our neighborhood. As we gained some speed, I felt the wind blowing through my hair. A smile came over my face and I surprised myself when I told McDaddy, “We need one of these!”

And as you might imagine, McDaddy was in total agreement.

When we hit the open road, it was as if McDaddy and I were foot-loose and fancy free all over again. I was in my glory. We laughed, and talked, and giggled. And I might, or might not have said, “Justin just got hotter.”

I let out a big yee-haw because it seemed like the thing to do.

I mounted the thing again at the funeral home. Again at dinner. And, again at SAMS.

At SAMS we filled the jeep with a humongous box (500) of Styrofoam cups, two drink dispensers, stuffed shells, ziti, a box of plastic spoons, and a new laptop backpack for McDaddy. Within minutes, we transformed that sexy topless jeep wrangler into a straight-up grocery getter. McDaddy wollered the boxes into the back seat carefully securing them so they didn’t go flying out the back seat.

By the fourth mount, I was getting the hang of it. I finally figured out that if I hoisted my left leg into the jeep first, and then pulled on McDaddy’s hand with one hand, and held onto the hand gripper with the other, I could successfully thrust myself upward and mount the passenger seat.

As I said, it wasn’t pretty.

By this time, the sun had set and it was almost dark.

I was really cold.

In fact, I was miserably uncomfortable, but y’all know I’m not one to complain, so I sucked it up and told McDaddy to turn on the radio. He turned on the CD player and Nickelback blared some sort of nonsense I could barely understand. It seemed appropriate for a topless jeep, but not so appropriate for 36-year-old adults who hadn’t the first clue what they were singing.

I asked McDaddy if we were too old to be blaring Nickelback with the top down.

Agreeing that yes, yes indeed, we were probably too old to be blaring Nickelback, he suggested I plug my iPhone into the little adapter thingie.

I hit my Workout playlist and began to dance around in my seat as Rob Bass belted out Joy and Pain.

It was a difficult task keeping my shirt tucked under the seat belt so as not to expose ‘the girls’to the elements and the outdoors, especially since my mind was focused on my chattering teeth. All at once, Bell Biv Devoe came through the speakers and I sang along, as they sang, “Do Me.”  As if I were some sort of hip-hop dancer, I started waving my arms and shuffling my feet. I probably looked like a drunken goof-ball. As I attempted to prop my foot up on the bottom of the door frame, my shoe got hung up on the lip of the door frame and slipped right off of my foot.

My shoe went flying.

Seriously.

Flying, as in off of my foot. Out of the jeep. Onto the side of the road.

I couldn’t believe what had just happened and for some reason I was laughing hysterically.

When he discovered that my shoe was actually gone, McDaddy shook his head in disbelief

I asked if anyone was behind us, and sure enough there was. I silently thanked God for guiding my shoe onto the side of the road instead of into the windshield of the moving car that was behind us.

Then he asked if I wanted him to turn around and get my shoe.

We giggled all the way home at my stupidity.

And we arrived home with one less shoe than we left with.

Luckily, I was able to keep my shirt on.

Happy Friday, y’all.

And Justin, if you happen to be reading this, thanks so much for the fun time. I think I’ve actually found a jeep that I really like.

Comments

  1. says

    What a fun story! Great post! You are so much braver than I am. I’m sure that my hair would never recover from something like that. But see… sometimes something like that pays off. 🙂

  2. says

    Oh my goodness…that is just too funny!!!!However, I’m still finding it hard to believe that you didn’t make McDaddy turn around and get that shoe!!

  3. Stacy says

    I am so glad you all had just a GREAT time in the Jeep…tell McDaddy if he does decide to get one this girl will be more than happy to take an adventure with him anytime I love that kind of stuff!!!

  4. Kay Leadmon says

    Mom and I just read your blog and laughed the whole way through it. But, I do have a few comments to make. I think Steve ought to keep the jeep a few more weeks before giving it back to Justin because it does have to be perfect. And, with all the talk of mounting and “do me”….just might spice up the relationship a bit too. Take the jeep out on more daring adventures too. Im 5′ talk and it is a challenge getting into the thing. Justin cracks up watching mom and I get into it. We are now pros. As for the hair, wear a bandana or get it short like mine. Yall enjoy the jeep and take care of her….she means a lot to Justin and Mari

  5. says

    I was reading and smiling, reading and smiling, until I came to the part about Nickelback being traded in for Rob Bass and Bel Biv Devoe… You crack me up, and I CAN NOT wait to meet you 🙂

  6. Justin - the owner of the jeep says

    I can’t stop laughing.. seriously, I can’t stop
    Bahahahaha

    Oh I wish I could have seen this unfold bahahahahah

    Oh, and tell Steve this is the best wedding present ever!!! I wonder what I’ll get for my house-warming gift 🙂

    I miss my jeep…. 🙁

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