It’s been one of those days. It is Memorial Day and I can’t help but think of all of the folks who have lost their lives serving this great country and all of those who are away from their families, ensuring the freedom and the safety of all Americans.
I know that after being able to spend a week with my beloved McDaddy, I should not be whining or complaining. Don’t get me wrong. The week we spent in Cuba was glorious. The boys and I enjoyed our time with him so much. Our days were spent catching up, laughing, and talking about all of the things we plan to do when he gets home in August. Our boys were beside themselves and I was back on Happy Street.
But, then we had to say goodbye.
I had to watch as my sweet boy buried his face in his hands and cried once we boarded the plane because “I just miss daddy, again!” We talked about daddy’s important job and the thousands of other daddies and mommies that are away from their children, too. We talked about seeing daddy’s work tent and I reminded him of all the things daddy is helping to do there.
I had to hold back my own tears and be strong.
Because our boys did not need to witness my weakness and my crying.
So, I sat in row 25 and gritted my teeth.
And bit my lip.
And blinked my eyes.
And I held it all back.
Until I crawled into our bed without him. Again.
We’ve made it through fourteen weeks and have at least nine more to go.
I’m trying to stay positive.
But some days it is a bunch of bull because there are days. Many days that leave me wishing I could just crawl in a hole until August. Seriously. I’m doing my best, but I’m afraid most days, I fall way short. There are days that I think I can kick your butt, but then, there are days that I couldn’t care less about kicking butt because it is all I can to keep it together.
Deployment, you suck and I hope I never have to see your ugly face again.