TO: The Groundsquirrel living under our porch
FROM: The girl in the minivan
RE: I’m Not Playin’
Dear Ground Squirrel:
It has come to my attention that you are living underneath of our front porch. On two seperate occasions, I have witnessed you darting from the porch toward McDaddy’s Jeep.
Here’s a free piece of advice.
Find a new home.
It is a well-known fact that I do not like anything that hugs the ground and scurries from one place to another.
And, just in case there is any doubt, that would include you.
While I don’t so much mind you living under our porch, I would prefer that you stay under there and scurry to another place when I am out of sight. That does not mean that you should wait until you see my van pulling into the driveway.
If you choose to ignore my warning, you should know that I am not above using the broom in McDaddy’s beloved garage to take care of you once and for all.
You can think what you want, but understand that I am a gal of my word. When push comes to shove, I will probably scream like a maniac, in which case you will be begging to use the broom to put you out of your misery. The other option is I will use the broom and you will never know what hit you.
Either way, I’m not playin and I wouldn’t suggest you test me.
Consider yourself warned.