The following is a true story.
Take a good look at that picture. What you are looking at is a picture of ourbathroom countertop. We ordered a custom vanity several months ago, but, waited to purchase the new countertop until we could afford the one we really wanted. We finally ordered the countertop a month or so ago, and as of 8:09 EST, I am pleased to report that the job is complete!
Unfortunately, it came with a great deal of tribulation, headache, and aggravation. This could take awhile, so you might wanna fetch yourself a cold drink first.
If you find yourself in need of a custom made corian double-bowl bathroom countertop, may I make a suggestion.
Do not go to the Lowe’s.
Believe me, I know of what I speak.
It is a long, tedious process that will have you ready to pull every last hair from your scalp.
Imagine if you will, the following scenerio…..
1. Once at Lowe’s, it will take you forever and a day to find a Lowe’s employee to place the custom order.
2. The young man that finally makes his way to the Custom Countertop Department does not really work in that department. He will initiate the transaction anyway. When the transaction is almost complete, he will hit a button and lose all of the information that he has haphazardly plugged into the custom order form. He will thenbegin the process again.
3. A full hour and nineteen minutes later, you will walk out of the store with your order form, a receipt for $1,149.00 and a headache.
4. Two days after you order the countertop, you learn that Lowe’s is honoring the Armed Forces by offering 10% off of any purchases for the next ten days.
5. That same day, you make a call to the store manager to ask about a military discount (because McDaddy is a member of the military), who reluctantly states that he will offer the discount to you when you bring your receipt back to the store.
6. Once at the store with receipt in hand (which you present to the manager), the manager explains that in order to give you the military discount, she will have to cancel your special order and start again.
7. Which you are more than willing to do because it will save you in excess of one hundred dollars.
8. After realizing you mean business and really don’t mind the added trouble of cancelling and then re-ordering the same countertop, the manager will then suggest that you bring the receipt back in to the store after you pick the countertop up and your discount will be given at that time.
9. You end up buying hanging flowers because you are there and they are hanging right by the door. And because they are only $4.00 each.
10. You place the flowers in the back of your minivan and pray they don’t turn over because you fear the backlash from McDaddy when he realizes there is top-soil spilled inside of a carpeted vehicle. (Maybe backlash is a little dramatic. Maybe not if you know McDaddy).
11. You make it home with the flowers, dust bust the top soil out of the van, hang the flowers on the shepherd hooks and make a deal with yourself that you WILL remember to water the things this time.
12. After three weeks, Lowe’s will call you to inform you that your special order countertop is at the store waiting for you to pick it up.
13. It dawns on you that you might not be able to haul the thing in your van, so you call the store to find out the dimensions of the box. A full twenty-three minutes later, the lady comes back on the phone with the dimensions.
14. You go to the trouble of laying down three of the seven seats in the van so that the countertop will be haulable (is that a word?) in it. You smile as you consider the cargo and passenger possibilities made possible by stow and go seating.
15. Once at the store, you will cart the bulky countertop to the van and load it very carefully. You make a place for your wife to ride in the floor of the van because before thinking about seating in the van, she offered to take an extra kid to the movies.
Obviously she couldn’t do the math. (Big surprise!)
16. You drop off extra kid. Wife moves to the front seat. You make a bee-line for home, thinking about your new countertop.
17. Your wife empties contents from bathroom vanity.
18. You gather tools for the job.
19. You unhook necessary plumbing fixtures and ask the wife for help in moving the old countertop out the bathroom door, out the front door and onto the porch.
20. It dawns on you how much fun it would be to throw the old countertop onto the driveway as you watch the porcelain sinks crumble into three million pieces.
21. You think about it for two seconds and decide against the throwing and tossing of said countertop.
22. You bring the new corain, double-bowl countertop in through the front door and set (or is it sit? I never know), it on top of the vanity.
23. To your dismay, you discover it is four inches too deep.
24. You run the calculations over in your head.
25. It dawns on you that maybe the wife who is not good at math might have done the calculations.
26. You remember that indeed, YOU did the calculations.
27. You search frantically for the special order form that you took to Lowes when you special ordered the countertop.
28. Wife retrieves it within five seconds because even though she is not good at math, she is of the organzied sort.
29. You double-check your figures and realize that the measurements reflected on your special order form are correct, but, that the countertop is a different size. Probably a direct correlation with #2.
30. You call the store. You recount the details of your dilemma. They transfer your call. You repeat the dilemma. They transfer your call. You recite your dilemma for a third and final time
while slowly losing what little bit of patience you have left.
31. The manager asks who was helping you when you placed the order.
32. You mention it was a young employee professional kid.
33. He mentions that the young kid really does not know what he is doing and had no business placing a custom order. You silently agree.
34. You give the manager the information for the custom made, corian, double-bowl countertop AGAIN.
35. You are told it will be two-to-three weeks before it is ready.
36. You hang up. Your wife asks why you didn’t ask for another discount for all of the trouble you have gone through.
37. You say you will do it when you return the countertop.
38. She mentions suggests insists that you should call back at that.very.minute.
39. You call Lowe’s again and ask to speak to a manager. Once on the phone, the manager agrees to some type of discount when the new countertop arrives at the store.
40. You remove the new countertop and carry it downstairs to the basement.
41. After thanking the good Lord that you had better sense than to shatter the old countertop on the driveway, you and the wife retrieve the old countertop off of the porch and maneuver it back into the bathroom and place it onto the vanity.
42. You reconnect all the necessary plumbing.
43. It takes your wife the better part of an hour to place all contents back into the vanity because she decides to sort, organize and throw out much of the junk that is never used.
44. After fuming about it for a day, the wife writes a concise, entertaining post about the whole experience urging you, her loyal blog fans, to choose someone other than Lowe’s for your next home improvement project.
45. And, if just one headache is saved, her work is done.